Spider Lilies
by Keitorin Asthore
Summary: From abandoned child to rejected hellion to the betrothed of the future king, Anna Kyoyama has a story all her own. Hear it from the very beginning, all the way through to the story you already know, from her side of things.
1. A Child Made of Glass

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

You were a child who was made of glass

You carried a black heart passed down from your dad

If somebody loved you, they'd tell you by now

We all turn away when you're down.

And when you're gone, they say your name

And when you're gone, will they love you the same?

Well, if not, that's okay.

If not, that's okay.

--_"That's Okay" by the Hush Sound_

_July 22, 2007_

Her hand crept quietly into her husband's. He smiled over his shoulder at her. "You excited?" he said.

"Mm-hm."

They walked in silence, comfortable silence, the summer sun shining on their heads and their sandals kicking up soft clouds of dust. There was no need to consult their map. They had walked this path often enough in their childhoods, crossing back and forth to school.

"Are you thinking?" he asked.

"Mm-hm."

The river beside the road lazed by them as light bounced off the flickering ripples. They walked steadily, her steps in line with his. Out of long habit he slowed his longer strides to match hers.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

She stared straight ahead. He asked this question often. But for once, she wanted to answer him. "Will he forgive us?" she asked.

This time he sighed. "I hope so."

The sun was slightly tinged with orange, hinting at the coming sunset. He squinted, rubbing his eyes with the back of his free hand. She curled her soft, slender fingers around his broad palm.

"Are you worried?"

She relaxed her grip. "Shut up."

**I think she's worried.**

She sighed and wrapped her fingers around his thumb. "Maybe a little."

The top of the inn's roof rose in the distance, the spires marking a familiar shape in the bright blue sky. He wiggled his thumb in her grip as a reassuring gesture. She squeezed it, then let go.

"What are you thinking about now?"

She sighed again. The rooftop blurred in her vision. "Everything."

* * *

_July 22, 1985_

Lightning crackled in the dark blue sky, lighting the drawn face of the young mother. "Why isn't she crying?" she demanded as she struggled to sit up. "Takashi, why doesn't she cry?"

The nurse laughed. "Most new parents wish their babies would stop crying," she said. "Don't worry about it." She rolled the little bassinette closer to the mother's bed. "Now, I'll be back in half an hour to take her back to the nursery."

Thunder rolled overhead as Takashi lifted the hours-old baby gingerly out of the plastic crib. "She's so small, Julia," he said.

Julia held out her arms and her husband carefully handed her the little yellow-blanketed bundle. "She's not small, she's perfect," she frowned. "And she's going to be blonde. J'ai une jolie petite fille francaise, n'est pas? Elle est très comme sa maman."

Takashi scowled. "Don't speak French. We live in Japan, speak Japanese."

"But she _is _French," Julia said serenely, stroking her finger against her baby daughter's round cheek.

Takashi sat on the edge of his young wife's hospital bed. "Half French," he reminded her. "And half Japanese."

Julia cradled the baby in the crook of her arm. "She's lovely," she sighed. "I didn't think she would be pretty."

Takashi finally smiled. "She has to be pretty. She's your daughter," he said.

"My daughter," Julia repeated. She looked up at her husband. "Ours, you mean."

Takashi leaned over and kissed first the top of Julia's head, then the baby girl's forehead. "Our daughter, Anhura Souma."

Julia's smile faded. "Do we have to name her that?" she asked. "I hate it."

"Anhura is a family name," Takashi protested.

"I can't even pronounce it," Julia said. "An…Anhu...Bah. I hate it."

"Ah-nyu-rah," Takashi sounded out.

"The closest I can get is Anna," Julia said. She readjusted the baby. "T'aimes le nom Anna? Oui? C'est plus trop jolie."

"Julia," Takashi warned.

Julia ignored him as she studied the infant's face. "She's so solemn," she said. "So quiet. Like she's just observing everything around her."

Takashi leaned over her arm. The baby blinked as her father drew closer and she waved a little fist in his direction. He kissed the tiny fingertips. Anhura didn't make a sound. She merely watched him. "She's unusual," he whispered.

The nurse bustled into the room ten minutes later, laughing and chattering as she took the baby away. Julia settled down to sleep, exhausted from her long hours of labor, and Takashi went back to their quiet little flat.

The sky crackled during the hot summer night. Lightning raged, trigged by the oppressive heat, but no rain fell. The babies in the nursery murmured and cried; the nurses soothed and chided them by turns.

Only baby Anhura stayed silent. She lay cozily in her small crib, her soft yellow blanket swaddled around her. Her wide eyes stared out the window, watching the storm, until finally she fell asleep to the sounds and flashes of cracking lightning.

* * *

_December, 1985_

The bedraggled Christmas tree in the corner of the living room offered very little cheer. Julia banged a wooden spoon against the side of the saucepan in an angry attempt at stirring. Staticky Christmas carols warbled over the radio, but it did nothing to lighten her mood. With a fierce gesture she switched off the heat, dumped the steaming water and noodles into the strainer in the sink, and slammed the pot onto a hot pad.

Takashi stuck his head out the door to the tiny bedroom. "Could you keep it down?" he said. "I'm trying to write a report."

"Of course you're trying to write a report," Julia seethed. "It's Christmas Eve, it's a perfect time to write a report."

"I would be at the office, but it's closed," Takashi retorted.

"Oh, and of course you'd rather be at the office than with your wife," Julia shouted. She flung the wooden spoon haphazardly at Takashi's head; he ducked and missed it narrowly.

"I'm trying to make enough money for us to pay the rent, Julia, would you rather we be homeless?" he demanded.

Julia ferociously dried her hands on her apron, yanked it off, and slammed it to the floor. "If we were homeless, maybe you could spend more time with me!" she bellowed. She lapsed into French, waving her hands at him as her volume increased.

Takashi strode out of the room and grabbed her by the wrist. "Stop it," he ordered. "The neighbors will hear you."

"So what?" Julia said. "They hear us fight all the time. They're used to it by now." She pulled free and dropped her hands.

"If you hate me this much, why did you marry me?" Takashi said.

Julia jammed her hands on her hips. "I don't know, maybe because I was nineteen and you got me pregnant and didn't want to raise a child alone!"

"Good point. You wouldn't be able to raise a child by yourself," Takashi said.

Julia's green eyes widened. "I spend more time with Anna in a day than you spend in a week," she shot back.

"Her name is Anhura, and if you're such a good mother, where is she?" Takashi said, folding his arms.

Julia dropped her hands. "Oh, God," she whispered. "I haven't…I thought…" She ran to the little crib in the corner and pulled back the covers. "But I knew…I thought…"

At the sight of his wife's panic, Takashi relented. "She's in here," he said reluctantly, holding the door to the bedroom open. Five month old Anhura lay on her tummy on her parents' unmade bed, propped up on pillows and playing with a soft plush rattle. Julia rushed into the room and pulled the baby into her arms. Anhura yelped as her mother pressed kisses all over the baby's blonde head. "Oh, mon Dieu," Julia whimpered. "Oh, Anna. Je suis desolée. Je suis une mere terrible."

"You're not a bad mother," Takashi said.

"I am," Julia said, nuzzling her cheek against the baby's golden hair. "I am horrible."

Takashi sat down next to them. "I know life is hard right now," he said gently. "It's just so expensive to live in Tokyo. Especially with a baby."

Julia stroked her fingertip over Anhura's tiny fist. "She doesn't mean to be expensive," she said.

"You know," Takashi said slowly. "We could always move back home."

Julia's eyes lit up. "To France?" she said.

"No, to my parents' house."

She scowled. "I don't want to live with your parents. I want a home just for the three of us," she said, scooting away from him.

"Just think about it," Takashi persisted. He leaned over her shoulder. "We could move in with my family and live there rent-free. I could work for the family company, and you could even get a job if you wanted. We save up for a few years, and then we could move back to Tokyo."

She glanced at him over her shoulder. "And have a house of our own?" she said.

Takashi kissed her lightly on the cheek. "We'll have a house of our own," he promised. "And maybe even a little brother or sister for Anhura."

"Oh, you would like that, wouldn't you, Anna?" Julia crooned, holding the baby up.

"Her name is Anhura, not Anna," Takashi groaned.

"I hate that name," Julia reminded him. "If you had only picked a name I could say, we wouldn't have this problem."

"It's a family name."

"You and your precious family," Julia mumbled. She flopped back on the bed and held Anhura up in the air. The baby kicked her tiny legs and made little disgruntled noises. Her young mother sighed. "I don't want to live with them."

"I know it's not your first choice, but it's the best decision," Takashi said. "I hate my job here. And you hate being trapped in the apartment all day."

"I do," Julia sighed. She sat up and carefully placed the baby on the bed. "But…Takashi, I've never met your family. What if they don't like me?"

Takashi rubbed the back of his neck. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he said. "But my older brother has been begging me to come back and help the company."

Anhura wriggled on her back, reaching up for her parents. Julia patted her little tummy. "I suppose we can try it," she sighed.

* * *

_January 4, 1986_

Julia tightened her grip on the handle of the baby carrier as she burrowed deeper into the collar of her coat. "It's so cold," she complained.

Takashi stamped the snow off his shoes and rang the bell. "Stop complaining," he said. "Try to smile. You want my family to like you, don't you?" Julia just rolled her eyes.

The door swung open and a skinny eleven-year-old girl hurtled towards them. "Uncle Takashi!" she hollered. "Everybody, Uncle Takashi's here!"

Julia hung back, clutching the baby carrier like her life depended on it, as the rest of Takashi's family poured into the foyer. A little boy about six with gaps in his front teeth wrapped his arms around Takashi's leg. "Whadja bring us, Uncle Takashi?" he begged.

He laughed. "Just the wife and baby," he said.

A girl who looked about ten peered into the carrier. "Aw, she's not even awake," she said.

"She's scrawny," the older girl announced. "Ayame's only a few weeks old and she's bigger."

"She's not scrawny, she's just small for her age," Julia protested.

The little boy stared up at her. "Why do you talk funny?" he asked.

"She's French," Takashi explained.

"French?"

Takashi picked the boy up around his waist, hoisting him in the air and making him howl with laughter. "She's from France," he said. "Does your grandmother have dinner ready? I'm starving." Julia slipped off her boots and removed her coat awkwardly, still balancing the carrier in one hand, then followed her husband into his house.

The rest of the family sat around the table, chatting as steam puffed out of the corners of covered dishes. Takashi made the rounds, hugging and greeting his relatives. Julia stood in the doorway, watching quietly. The three children pushed past her and clambered into their seats.

"Now that Takashi's here, let's eat," one of the men said.

Takashi took a seat then glanced around. "Julia, what are you doing?" he asked. "Come sit."

Julia approached shyly. "Put that down," the oldest woman ordered. Julia obeyed and lifted the sleeping baby onto her lap. "I take it this is your wife, Takashi?"

He took a large spoonful of rice from the pot in the center. "This is Julia," he said. "Julia, this is my mother, Atsuko." The old woman nodded her head, unsmiling. "My brother Outa and his wife Lin, and my sister Suzume and her husband Kenji." He pointed to the children. "Besani and Sakura are Outa's daughters and Kito is Suzume's son."

"The youngest ones are in bed," Suzume said. Round cheeked and bright eyed, she seemed the most friendly out of the family. "Haru is three, and our Ayame is four weeks old. How old is your little one?"

"Six months," Julia said, wrapping her arms around her sleeping daughter.

"She's blonde," Atsuko said, her wrinkled mouth drawing down.

"Julia's French, Kaa'san," Takashi reminded her. "She gets it from her mother."

"How did you meet her?" Outa asked, shoveling stir fried pork in his mouth.

"She sang in a concert at Tokyo University, and I stayed after to talk to her," Takashi explained.

"And then you got her pregnant," Kenji grinned. Julia's ears turned red and she stared down at her empty plate.

Suzume elbowed her husband. "What's your daughter's name?" she asked Julia.

Takashi swallowed quickly. "Anhura," he said. "We named her Anhura."

Atsuko nodded. "We haven't had an Anhura in the family in quite some time," she said. "It's good to hear the name again."

Takashi smiled, shooting his wife a look that clearly said _See? I told you so._

Julia ate quietly, balancing the chopsticks she never quite managed to conquer in one hand while holding Anhura with the other. Her husband's family talked loudly, arguing and laughing by turns. The three older children spent most of dinner squabbling and whining to their parents about why they didn't like the food on their plate.

Outa's wife Lin, thin-faced and long-nosed, checked her watch. "It's late," she announced. "Besani, Sakura, time for bed."

"You too, Kito," Suzume added.

Julia shifted Anhura in her arms. "I suppose I should put Anna to bed too," she murmured.

"Anna?" Atsuko asked sharply.

"Just a nickname, Mother," Takashi exclaimed.

"You look tired. I'll take her up to the nursery," Suzume offered.

"The nursery?" Julia repeated.

Suzume picked up the six-month-old baby. "The two youngest ones share a room," she explained. "We can put in a third crib easily. And we've already let the babysitter know."

"What babysitter?" Takashi asked.

"A babysitter stays here from eight to five, every day," Lin said haughtily. "We all work, after all."

"That's perfect," Takashi said. "Julia wanted to get a job, didn't you, Julia?"

"Oh," she said. "Yes." She watched as the sister-in-law she had just met carried her child away. Relieved to have the chore taken care of by someone else for the night, she settled back in her chair and placed her hand on her husband's knee. He patted it gently and flashed her an absentminded smile.

* * *

_September 4, 1986_

Julia dropped her attaché case on the floor with a heavy sigh. "Takashi?" she called.

"No one's home yet," the babysitter said. She bounced Ayame on her hip; the dark-haired toddler giggled.

"Really?" Julia said. She rubbed the back of her neck. "That never happens."

"An emergency meeting was called at the company," the babysitter explained. "They told me to stay until seven at the earliest."

Julia frowned. "But I work at the company too," she protested. "They didn't tell me anything."

The babysitter shrugged as she handed Ayame a sippy cup. "I don't know," she said. She glanced at the blonde woman out of the corner of her eye- a sharp, judging look.

"I guess I'll start dinner," she said, looking away.

"Don't bother," the babysitter said. "Atsuko-san said we should just order takeout."

Julia snatched up her attaché case. "I'm going to go take a bath," she mumbled.

She was partway up the stairs when the babysitter caught up. "Wait a minute," she said, leaning on the bottom railing. "Don't you want to see your daughter? You haven't visited her in three days."

Julia closed her eyes, slumping against the balustrade for a brief moment, then headed resolutely for the nursery. _I've just been so busy_, she argued to herself. _That's all. I don't have much time to see her. And she's just a baby. She doesn't mind._

She pushed the door open to the nursery and was greeted with a shouted argument. "That's mine! Give it back!" four-year-old Haru wailed.

Seven-year-old Kito dangled a toy truck above his head. "Nah-uh," he said. "Come an' get it!"

Besani reached over her cousin's head and yanked the truck out of his hands. "Don't talk to my brother that way!" the twelve-year-old said.

"Yeah, don't talk to my brother that way," Sakura echoed. She took the truck and smacked Kito upside the head with it. He let out a bloodcurdling howl.

Julia rubbed her temples. "Besani, where's Anna?" she asked.

Besani frowned. "Anna?"

"Where's my daughter?" Julia asked.

Sakura jabbed her thumb in the direction of the corner. "She's over there, Julia," she said.

"Why can't you call me Aunt Julia?" she asked.

Sakura frowned. Julia shook her head and walked over to the corner. Her fourteen-month-old daughter played quietly with a soft cloth doll, staring at her cousins and their ruckus. "There you are, Anna," she sighed. "Come here. Come to mama."

Anhura put the end of her doll's pigtail in her little pink mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. "Don't do that," Julia scolded. She pulled it away as she lifted her daughter onto her hip. Anhura looked startled. "Don't look at me like that. I didn't hurt you."

Kito ran by shrieking, Haru at his heels. "I'm going to tell my mom!" he screamed. Besani laughed loudly. Anhura buried her face in the crook of her mother's neck.

"Don't be so skittish, Anna," Julia chided. She carried the toddler out of the nursery and to the room she shared with her husband. Carefully she set the baby down on the bed. She smiled gently, then laid down next to her. Anhura pulled herself up in a sitting position and hugged her doll tightly. Julia stroked her daughter's soft blonde hair away from her face. The little girl sighed, tucked her thumb in her mouth, and patted the top of her mother's head.

Julia smiled to herself. "Anna," she singsonged. "Anna, can you say it? Say 'mama'?" The toddler merely looked at her. Julia pulled the tiny thumb out of the tiny mouth. "Say 'mama'."

Anhura smiled. "Mama," she repeated proudly.

Julia clapped her hands. "That's my little girl," she praised.

"Mama," Anhura said again. She shook the doll by the wrist and smiled. "Mama, Mama."  
"Mm-hm," Julia smiled. Gently she traced the curve of her daughter's round cheek with her fingertip. Anhura nibbled on her doll's round hand. She was a pretty child, Julia realized. She would grow up to be a pretty woman. Idly she wondered about her daughter's future. Would she graduate from school and marry a kind and handsome man who would take care of her? Or would she end up pregnant and lonely, left as a burden on an older man's hands?

She lay there for a while, thinking, not even noticing when the sun set and darkened the room. Anhura sat beside her, her soft doll resting on her lap. Her brown eyes closed slowly, lazily; her golden head bobbed in sleepiness.

"Julia? What on earth are you doing?"

Julia jerked out of her daze. "Takashi," she said, surprised. "I didn't hear you come in. You're awfully late."

He dropped his briefcase by the door and loosened his tie. "Meeting ran overtime," he said brusquely. "Why do you have Anhura in here? Didn't the babysitter put her to bed?"

Julia ran her hand along her small daughter's back. "I was lonely," she confessed. "And I haven't spent time with Anna in a while." Takashi rolled his eyes as he unbuttoned his work shirt. "At least I pay some kind of attention to her. You don't even remember she exists."

"Of course I do," he said wearily. "I'm just busy."

Julia sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. "Why wasn't I called for the meeting too?" she asked.

"Darling, you're just a secretary," Takashi said. He dropped his work shirt in the laundry hamper. "You weren't needed."

The words stung. "But Lin and Suzume were called," she objected.

"Lin and Suzume…" His voice trailed off.

Julia's lips thinned. "Tell me," she said, her tone more commanding than she had ever used before.

"Lin and Suzume both graduated from college and have been with the company ever since," Takashi said.

Julia leaped to her feet. "They graduated from college because they didn't have a baby to think about," she said.

Takashi glanced sharply at the dozing baby on the bed. "You think she's a mistake?" he asked. "Would you rather she had never been born?"

Julia followed his gaze helplessly. "Of course not," she blurted out. "I just…I wish I was treated like everyone else."

Takashi sank next to her. "Of course you're treated the same," he soothed.

Julia flopped onto the bed, drawing Anhura to her side and pulling comfort from the soft warmth of her little body. "You're just saying that," she mumbled. "I hate this place."

Takashi kissed the top of her head lightly. "We won't stay here too much longer," he promised. "Now go put Anhura to bed. You have work tomorrow morning."

"Can't you put her to bed?" Julia asked.

He shook his head. "I'm exhausted," he said.

Julia picked up the little girl. "Give her a kiss," she said.

Takashi did so. "Good night, Anhura," he said gently.

"Night," Anhura echoed sleepily.

Julia carried the drowsy toddler back to the nursery. It was quiet by now. Haru flopped in his narrow bed, his skinny chest rising and falling regularly. Ayame slept in a crib next to his bed. Julia carefully placed Anhura in her crib; the little girl's hands dropped sleepily beside her. The young mother tucked the doll in the crook of her arm and pulled the blankets up to her chin. Anhura sighed in her sleep, snuggling into the pillow. Julia brushed a lock of fair away from her forehead. "Goodnight, little one," she murmured.

* * *

_April 10, 1987_

"Come on!" Besani hollered, tearing off down the path with Sakura at her heels. Kito and Haru followed close behind.

"Slow down," Outa huffed at his daughter. He hefted the picnic basket and glared at his mother. "Why are we here again?"  
Atsuko strolled down the path. "We always come to the park to see the cherry blossoms bloom," she shrugged.

Takashi tailed at the end of the group, his wife walking quietly alongside him. "Where's Anhura?" he asked.

"With her cousins," Julia sighed.

She watched her small daughter toddle behind the other children. "Wait for me!" she cried. "Besi, Saki, wait for me."

"Slowpoke," Besani called, her dark hair flipping behind her as she ran.

Julia shook her head. She knew better than to say anything about it, but she always had the unsettling feeling that her husband's nieces and nephews bullied their child.

It didn't help that Anhura was so timid, though. She cried easily, running to the shelter of her mother's arms at the slightest provocation. Despite her young age, though, Anhura had learned that her father did not welcome her as readily. He liked to see her shrieking and laughing like her cousins, not sobbing and begging for comfort.

Takashi spread the picnic blanket on the ground. Julia sat down, tucking her slender legs beneath her, and opened her book. The spring sunshine pleasantly warmed the back of her neck as she turned the pages.

Suddenly her golden-haired daughter tore across the field towards her parents. Julia dropped her book in surprise as Anhura hurtled against her shoulder. "Anna!" she said. "Que'est-ce qui ne va pas?"

Her little girl buried her face in the fabric of her dress. Julia wrapped her arms around the toddler and lifted her onto her lap. Anhura's little fingers gripped her sleeve. "What is it, darling?" she murmured, her lips close to the child's flyaway blonde hair. "You're shaking."

Julia rested her chin on Anhura's head. _Why was I left with this child_? she thought reluctantly.

Anhura pulled back and stared up at her, her chocolate brown eyes wide in her pale face. "Don't be afraid," Julia chided gently. "You're all right."

She twirled a long strand of golden hair around her finger. _I should have just left_, she thought. _I could have had the baby, left her at an orphanage, and gone back to school. I wouldn't have to deal with this._

She thought back to her heady university days- the parties, the music classes, the plans and dreams that she put away when a fling with a Japanese businessman left her in a delicate situation.

_She was a mistake_.

Anhura still stared up at her, shock written all over her face. "You're still trembling, little one," Julia said, pushing away her rebellious thoughts. "Mama will take care of you."

Anhura hunched on her mother's lap and clamped her small hands over her ears, as if she was trying to drown out words that only she could hear.

* * *

_November 3, 1987_

Anhura coughed and rubbed her mouth with the back of her little hand. "Let's play!" her cousin Ayame crowed. She waved a skinny fashion doll in the air, the matted hair brushing against Anhura's nose. She coughed again.

Julia frowned over the top of her television guide. "Anna? Est-ce que tu es malade?" she asked.

Anhura looked up at her, rubbing her cheek. "Je ne me sens pas bien," she sighed.

"What are you talking about?" Suzume asked. She pulled a dress on a fashion doll and handed it to Ayame, who shrieked in delight.

"I think she has a cold," Julia said. She lifted her daughter onto her lap and kissed her hot forehead, then picked up the remote. "You want to watch soap operas with your mama, yes?" Anhura snuggled into her mother's lap and tucked her thumb in her mouth.

"She could probably use some cough syrup," Suzume said. "I'll get some."

Anhura took the sticky sweet medicine without a word. Julia played idly with her daughter's long soft hair as they watched several soap opera episodes together. The toddler's coughs slowed and her eyes drooped closed.

"I suppose I ought to put you to bed," Julia said. "Are you sleepy, Anna?"

Anhura roused slightly and wrapped her tiny hands around her mother's delicate fingers. "Mama?" she rasped.

"Hm?"

"Do you love me?"

"Of course," Julia said.

Anhura paused. "Do you want me?"

Julia stifled the sudden pang of guilt. "Of course," she said, but her heart wasn't in it.

The toddler traced one little fingertip against her mother's collarbone. "Your heart doesn't say that," she objected sleepily.

Julia stood up quickly, hugging her daughter to her chest. "You should go to sleep," she said. Her stomach twisted. _How can she know that? _She thought. _She's only two and a half. How can she guess that?_

"I hear you, Mama."

Julia stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the hallway. "You can hear me?' she whispered.

Anhura nodded.

"You mean, you can hear me talk to you," Julia said, struggling to keep her voice light.

"No," she objected. "Your mouth doesn't move but I can hear you anyway."

Julia's hands trembled. "Anhura, let's keep this a secret," she whispered.

"A secret?"

"Like how you talk to Mama in French," Julia said, struggling to keep her voice light. "A secret, for you and Mama."

Anhura nodded. "A secret," she murmured.

Julia set her down in her narrow bed and tucked a blanket around her. "Goodnight, Anna."

Anhura rolled over, reaching for the soft doll by her pillow. "I love you," she said.

Julia turned off the light and closed the door. Anhura let go of the doll's arm, frozen, as she stared at her.

-

-

-

**Author's Notes:**

Dear merciful goodness, this has been in the works for ages. I think I got the original idea back in...2003? 2004? Maybe 2005. Something like that. Anyways, I've always wanted to write out Anna's story. I've played with origin stories for Anna before. They're all very bad and I don't recommend you read them. But one of them I liked so well back in the day that I wanted to continue it by writing the entire Shaman King series from Anna's point of view.

Crazy, yes? Yes.

I wrote a couple of chapters, but never really liked them and ended the story instead. But it's always been drilling in the back of my head, the need to write Anna's story. I wrote the first chapter of "Spider Lilies" about a year or so ago, but didn't have the time to really work on it. However, now that I have more free time, the Shaman King series is finished, and I feel like my skills as a writer have improved from my high school days, I really want to write this.

My intention is to stay true to the manga while filling in the gaps as best I can. I mean, think about it...there's all these long sections of Yoh-centric material, and then Anna will pop in. What's she doing in the meantime? Plus, delving into her childhood prior to meeting Yoh is fascinating. Let me tell you, I've had a horrible time writing about her parents. Horrible.

And this part is just a little silly, but I have a tendency to pick a song and play it on repeat when writing a chapter, just so I can have the proper mood music. Each chapter includes a quote from the song, so if you want to have mood music while you read, I encourage you to go on Youtube and give it a listen. This chapter's song is "That's Okay," by the Hush Sound.

Feel free to ask me any questions you might have about this story (well...novel, really). Leave reviews, too! I'd love to hear what you think!**  
**


	2. Hide and Seek

Special thanks to zaza98able, , animewitch17, yehey, and HPCS2 for their kind reviews!

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

Oily marks appear on walls

Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover

The sweeping insensitivity of this still life

Hide and seek

Trains and sewing machines

All those years

They were here first.

_--"Hide and Seek" by Imogene Heap_

_March 30, 1988_

Takashi bolted upright. "Who's screaming?" he mumbled.

"I don't know," Julia murmured sleepily. She rolled over and buried her face in her pillow.

Takashi shook her shoulder. "I think it's Anhura," he said.

Julia groaned. "You go check on her," she said.

Grumbling under his breath, Takashi rolled out of bed and padded down the hall to the nursery. The scream grew louder, and he could hear Ayame and Haru protesting. He pushed the door open.

Anhura sat up in her little bed, curled up in the corner, screaming at the top of her lungs. "Be quiet," Takashi scolded. "It's just a nightmare."

He sat down on the edge of the bed. His little daughter hurtled towards him, her short nightgown clinging to her legs, and she flung her arms around him. "Scary," she sobbed.

"What's scary?" he asked. "Haru, what happened?"

The six-year-old boy rubbed his eyes drowsily. "The nightlight went out and she got scared," he shrugged.

Takashi hugged the trembling toddler. "It's just the dark, Anhura, there's no need to be frightened," he said.

"I saw something," she whimpered. "In the corner."

Takashi glanced over his shoulder. "I don't see anything," he shrugged.

"I heard something," Ayame called helpfully from her bed. "Something rumbly."

Takashi sighed. "Just go back to sleep," he said.

"Too dark!" Anhura cried.

"If I turn on the nightlight again, will you go back to sleep?" he said. Anhura nodded. He tucked her back into bed, flicked the nightlight back on, and closed the door.

Julia was still awake when he got back to their bedroom. "Was she all right?" she asked sleepily. "I thought she was coming down with a stomach bug earlier today."

"She's always sick," Takashi grumbled.

"She's little. Little kids are always getting sick," Julia shrugged. "So what was wrong?"

"The nightlight went out and it scared her," Takashi said. "What child screams like that when the only thing that happened was a nightlight going out?"

"A child who's afraid of the dark," Julia pointed out dryly.

Takashi sat down on the edge of the bed. "Something's not right with her," he said.

"What do you mean?" Julia said. She sat up. "She's perfectly normal."

"She's nothing like her cousins," Takashi mused. "She doesn't play with them, or laugh like a normal child should."

"Just because she doesn't run around shrieking doesn't mean she's strange," Julia said sharply. "Anna is a sweet, pretty, well-behaved little girl. You ought to be proud to call her your child."

"I'm not ashamed of her," Takashi said. "Don't put words in my mouth. I'm only saying that she's…there's something that doesn't seem quite right about her. Maybe we ought to take her to a specialist."

"Takashi, she's not even three yet," Julia said. She laid down again and pulled the blankets over her shoulders. "You shouldn't worry about her."

"I guess you're right," Takashi said reluctantly.

The bed shift as he laid down beside her, but Julia stared into the darkness. The secret she hid burned in her thoughts.

* * *

_July 22, 1988_

"I don't want to go," Kito said defiantly.

"Now, Kito," his mother Suzume said patiently. "It's Anhura's birthday. When it was your birthday she came along to the skating rink with everyone else. You should do the same."

Julia bounced her now three-year-old daughter on her hip. "Anna, walk like a big girl," she chided.

Anhura shook her head and clung stubbornly to her mother's neck. She wore a pretty lavender party frock- one of her birthday presents- and a ribbon in her hair. Julia took a secret, fiendish delight in the fact that her daughter was prettier and more delicate than her cousins, and now that she could use the family's budget there was enough money to dress her nicely.

"I'll get the movie tickets, if you watch the kids," Suzume offered.

"Sure," Julia said, setting Anhura down on the ground. "Stay with me."

Besani flopped down on a bench. "Whatever," she sighed. "Just don't boss me around."

Julia bit back the reply she wanted to give and smoothed Anhura's hair. The little girl stood close to her, her tiny hand clutching her skirt. "Stand up straight," she whispered. "You're three now. You're a big girl."

Ayame pulled Anhura's long golden hair. "How come she gets a new dress?" she whined.

"Don't do that," Suzume scolded, tugging her away. "Let's go, kids. The movie will start soon."

The Souma children made a rather sizeable gift as they trooped through the movie theater. Anhura trailed behind. Julia paused impatiently. "What's wrong?" she asked.

The child had gone completely white. She looked around at the crowded theater, the color of her wild eyes shifting from chocolate brown to golden amber. "Mama," she said, stumbling to a salt.

Julia picked her up. "You're going to make us late," she scolded.

Anhura slumped in her arms, her head falling like a lead weight on her mother's shoulder. "I can hear them, Mama," she said. "Everybody. I can hear everybody."  
Julia covered her daughter's mouth. "Hush," she said severely. "Stop being silly."

Anhura began to cry soundlessly, the tears dripping down her cheeks. She continued to stare at the passers-by, her eyes rolling wildly. "Julia, is she all right?" Suzume said, not unkindly.

"She's just fussing," Julia lied. "She might be coming down with something."

Suzume stroked Anhura's hair out of her eyes; the child flinched as her aunt touched her. "Takashi said that she's not well," she whispered, out of earshot of the sharp-eyed cousins. "He says he wants to take her to a specialist."

Julia's cheeks burned in mortification. "My husband should keep his mouth shut," she hissed quietly. She brushed past her sister-in-law and took a seat in the darkened theater, settling her daughter on her lap.

Anhura continued to cry. At her wit's end, Julia pinched the soft skin of her daughter's upper arm. "Stop crying," she ordered. "Stop crying right now, Anhura."

For a moment she halted, her large eyes luminous in the flickering light of the movie screen. Tears froze, glistening, on her lashes. Remorse sank into Julia. She hugged her daughter to her chest, smoothing her blonde hair and kissing her soft cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she whispered. "Mama didn't mean it, darling."

She held Anhura tightly, muffling her sobs against her shoulder. "I can hear them," Anhura sobbed. "Mama, make them stop."

Julia, helpless, could only hold her child close and wonder for the umpteenth time why she couldn't have a normal daughter.

* * *

_September 7, 1988_

"I hate this," Julia whispered.

Takashi turned the page of his business journal. "I know," he said absently. "But I'm glad you gave in. It's about time that we let a doctor deal with her."

"What do you think might be wrong with her?" Julia worried.

Takashi shrugged. "Schizophrenia, maybe?" he suggested. "Bipolar disorder?"

"Don't say things like that," Julia snapped. She fidgeted with the straps of her purse. "She's been in there for an hour. Do you think they'll be done with her soon?"  
"Who knows?" Takashi said. He checked his watch. "I need to get back to the office shortly, though. Can you finish the paperwork and take her home yourself?"

"I can, but I won't," she retorted. "She's your daughter, too, Takashi. And you're the one that kept insisting to take her to a doctor."

"I know, I know," he said. "Fine. I'll stay another half hour, and then I'm leaving."

"It's better than nothing," Julia muttered under her breath in French. Takashi ignored her.

The waiting office was quiet, but she almost missed the crying and sniffling of the pediatrician's. That would mean that Anhura simply had a cold or needed a checkup. The cool grey sterilization of the grown-up doctor's waiting room felt unearthly in comparison.

The door swung open quietly. A tall man with iron grey hair and a white labcoat entered the waiting room. "Mr. and Mrs. Souma?" he said.

"Yes?" Julia said quickly, rising to her feet.

"What's wrong with our daughter?" Takashi asked.

The doctor adjusted his glasses. "Ostensibly, nothing," he said. "Anhura is on the small side for her age and a bit susceptible to illness, but mentally I can find nothing wrong with her."

"Nothing?" Takashi said skeptically.

"She's very intelligent for her age," the doctor said. "She has a large vocabulary and speaks well. Mentally, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her."

"Thank God," Julia murmured.

"Emotionally, however," the doctor continued. "Despite her age, Anhura is already exhibiting signs of depression."

"That's unusual," Takashi commented.

"But she's just a baby," Julia exclaimed.

"Depression affects all ages," the doctor said. "You mentioned in the preliminary interviews about your daughter's moodiness, her loss of appetite, and her inability to sleep. Those are all symptoms."

Julia covered her mouth. "What should we do?" she asked.

"Anhura is too young for medication," the doctor said, ruffling through the pages on his clipboard. "I recommend entering her in professional counseling. Perhaps even a children's group. I've provided a list of excellent child psychologists that may be able to help your daughter."

Julia stood by wordlessly as Takashi accepted the paperwork. The door swung open again; a nurse entered, holding Anhura by the hand. The little girl was pale, and the fluorescent lights overhead highlighted the dark circles that ringed her large brown eyes.

Takashi glanced up and handed the paperwork to his wife. "Come here, Anhura-chan," he said, more gently than usual. She approached him slowly. He lifted her carefully. "We'll get back to you about the counseling sessions, doctor."

Julia clutched the paperwork as she followed her husband out of the office. Anhura balanced her chin on her father's broad shoulder, her dark eyes even more solemn and far away than usual. They walked to the car in silence.

Takashi set Anhura in her booster seat and attempted to buckle it. "Let me, let me," Julia said, nudging him out of the way. Takashi shrugged and took his seat behind the wheel.

Julia bent her golden head over her daughter's as she fumbled with the straps. "I didn't tell, Mama," Anhura whispered, exhausted. She slumped back in the seat. "I didn't tell anything."  
"Good girl," Julia half-heartedly whispered back. She dropped a light kiss on Anhura's forehead, shut the door, and sat down in the passenger seat.

Takashi drove away; the midafternoon traffic idled away the minutes. Julia watched her daughter via the rear view mirror.

_Maybe it would be better if she had told the doctor_, she thought. _Maybe then we wouldn't have to worry about this anymore. It'll be someone else's problem._

Julia noticed Anhura gazing at the mirror. Her clear golden brown eyes fogged and she stared off into space, dazed. Julia turned away.

* * *

_December 25, 1988_

Remnants of wrapping paper and curled ribbons peppered the floor like brightly colored shrapnel. The Souma children shrieked with laughter and squabbled amongst themselves as they played with their new toys. Julia curled up under the kotatsu with a new book, tuning out the uproar.

The other adults sat on the couches, sipping cups of tea. "It was a good Christmas," Lin said in approval.

"The children seem happy, and that's all that really matters," Atsuko said. "Christmas is a holiday for the young."

Julia ignored her mother-in-law. She disagreed, but she knew better than to say anything. Instead, she turned a page in her book and tuned out the adults' conversation

Ayame ran over to her mother with a doll, its plastic arm dislocated and swinging grotesquely. Suzume popped back in place without scolding her. The youngest Souma ran back to her siblings and cousins. Julia glanced up from her book to see Ayame shake the doll in Anhura's face. Anhura did nothing. She watched the adults with an odd look on her face, as if they were talking about something that disgusted and horrified her, rather than a boring discussion about the company.

Julia had seen that expression on her daughter's face more and more often lately. Her bright eyes would turn sharp and diamond-brilliant, boring into the faces of family and strangers alike as if…as if she could hear their innermost thoughts. Julia stifled a shudder and turned a page fiercely.

Anhura had continued her insistence that she could hear things. Every night, when Julia tucked her into bed, she reminded her little daughter to keep her mouth shut. She could only imagine what the family would do if they knew.

The thread of conversation changed. Julia turned a page without seeing the words as she listened.

"Are you still taking Anhura to the specialist?" Suzume asked.

"Not lately," Takashi shrugged. "It didn't seem to help as much as we hoped."

Suzume clicked her tongue in sympathy. "Poor thing," she said. "Maybe she'll outgrow it."

"Maybe," said Takashi, but he didn't seem convinced.

"I hope she improves soon," Atsuko said. "She's so different from the other children. And children always pick on those who are different."

"No."

Julia glanced up. Her daughter stood up, staring at the adults, surrounding by her noisy cousins and the shrapnel of discarded wrapping paper. Anhura's golden eyes blazed, wild but focused. "No, no, _no_," she said emphatically, bitterly.

"Anhura?" Takashi said. "What's wrong?" He looked down at his wife. "Julia, what's wrong with her?"

Julia closed the book. "I have no idea," she said.

Anhura pointed at her grandmother. "No, I'm not," she said clearly. "I'm not crazy."

Atsuko blanched. "What's she talking about?" she demanded.

Anhura took several quick steps. "You think I'm crazy," she said.

Her squabbling cousins quieted, staring, mouths agape, at the usually reticent little girl. "Julia, quiet your daughter," Takashi said.

"She's your daughter too," Julia snapped.

"Stop it!" Anhura screamed.

"Takashi," Atsuko threatened.

Takashi got up, strode across the room, and grabbed his daughter by the forearm. "Don't speak to your grandmother like that," he said. "Stop saying nonsense."  
Anhura struggled to break free of his grasp. "I know you hate me," she said in a terrible voice. "You hate me, you hate me!"

"Anhura, I'm your father," Takashi said, trying to keep his voice level. "I don't hate you."

"You blame her," Anhura said. Julia's heart stopped as her small daughter pointed right at her. "Trapped. She trapped you."

Takashi's face turned white. "Julia, I never-"

"The child is hallucinating," Atsuko said severely. "She must be ill. Julia, take your child and put her to bed."

Anhura broke free of her father's slackened grip and ran to her grandmother. "I can hear you," she said, grabbing her hands. Atsuko pulled away. "You say awful things."

Julia bolted. "Anna," she said. "Anna, be quiet. Come with Mama."

"She hears things?" Atsuko said.

"Anna," Julia whispered. "Anna, come with me."

Anhura stood in front of her grandmother. "Stop saying bad things," she said, her voice rising.

Atsuko slapped her granddaughter across the face. "She's a freak," she spat.

Julia ran to her daughter and pulled her back. "Anna, you promised," she said.

"You knew about this?" Takashi demanded.

Anhura stared at Atsuko, her eyes blazing, her face white save for the red mark on her cheek. "You're a bad person," she said.

"Takashi, restrain her," Atsuko said.

"You're a bad person," Anhura repeated, her voice rising. "I can hear you. _I can hear you._"

"Takashi!" Atsuko cried.

Takashi grabbed his daughter by the arm and yanked her away. Anhura began to scream- an awful, wordless, feral scream. "You promised," Julia screamed. Suzume took her by the arms, pulling her back. Julia struggled to break free. "Anna, you promised you wouldn't tell. You promised!"

Her husband carried her daughter away. Julia tore away from Suzume's grasp and wavered in the center of the room, unbalanced, as her husband's family stared at her. Anhura's scream echoed through the house; a sharp crack, and stunned silence reigned.

-

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**Author's Notes:**

Gah, this chapter was hard to write. The next one was even more difficult...how do you write about parents giving up their children? Besides, this was more a "gateway" chapter...and those are always challenging to put together. But now we're gearing up for some real story action!

I've plotted this story pretty far...meaning that I've had to reread the Shaman King manga all the way through. I got up to the 240s when I had to take a break. Why? Because Hiroyuki Takei can't do math, that's why! None of his months and weeks and days add up! So I'll do my best to keep it canon datewise, but I have to take some liberties in order to get things to line up properly.

I can't think of anything to write in this note, so let's proceed to reviewer responses, shall we?

**HPCS2**: I'm so glad that you've been waiting for a story like this! I hope it's everything you've dreamed of. :P

**yehey: **For some reason I've always cherished the thought that Anna was half French. I'm really not sure why...I think it's the blonde hair. But one of the choices I made is that the longer Julia lives with the Soumas, the less French she speaks.

**Animewitch17**: Oh, dear goodness, you must've read some of my older Anna stories. :P Yup, the yellow blanket appears pretty much every time I write about a baby. Why? Because my baby blanket was yellow. Also, you are totally right about the bad vibes...this chapter probably explains why!

: Yay! I'm glad you've been looking for a story like this. Here's a speedy update for you!

**zaza98able**: I'm glad you're interested in Anna's past too. She's just such a fascinating character. I'll try to update as much as I can...especially while my muse is still going strong!

Have a question about this story? Like where I got the name Anhura? Why the story is called "Spider Lilies"? Or where every bathroom on Disney World property is located?

(all right, so that has nothing to do with this, but I can answer it...)

Go on and ask me! I'll be happy to answer!

I hope you liked this update!

**In the next chapter:** a decision, and a trip to Mount Osore.


	3. Hallelujah

Special thanks to the terrorist, majrocks, xxandlovesaidnoxx, yehey, and zaza98able for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

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I did my best, it wasn't much,

I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch

I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you

And even though

It all went wrong

I'll stand before the lord of song

With nothing on my tongue but hallelujah

Hallelujah…hallelujah.

--_"Hallelujah" by Kate Voegele_

_December 26, 1988_

"She's not staying here."

Julia sat in silence as her husband's family debated on what to do with her daughter. She stared at her folded hands as her child's screams still echoed, haunted and hollow, in her ears.

"Mother, she's troubled," Suzume said softly. "She needs help."

"I will not have that little freak around my children," Lin said. "What if she hurts them?"

"She's a three-year-old," Takashi scoffed. "What damage can a toddler do?"

"Toddlers grow up," Lin said. "What if she gets a little older, a little stronger? If we keep her, she might harm one of the other children."

"I want her out of the house," Outa said. "She's insane."

"At least take her to a doctor," Suzume pleaded. "Maybe she does have some sort of mental disorder. Maybe they can help her."

"It's not mental," Atsuko said. The family matriarch looked even older in the dim light of the living room. "I haven't seen anything like this in a long time."

"Anything like what?" Kenji asked.

"My great-aunt was…she was some sort of spiritualist," Atsuko said. "Absolutely crazy. She left Tokyo when she was seventeen. To train, she claimed. She never came back." She looked sharply at Takashi. "Apparently your daughter inherited the same sort of thing."

"That's not my fault," Takashi defended.

"You were the one who got a stranger pregnant," Lin reminded.

Julia snapped back to the conversation, her cheeks heating in embarrassment.

"What do you know of your family history?" Outa demanded.

"Nothing," Julia stammered. "I mean, nothing like this. My family has always been normal."

"Clearly, that's not the case," Lin snapped.

"There's no going back now," Takashi said. "What are we supposed to do now?"

Atsuko rose and crossed to the window. "Take her to Mount Osore," she said.

"In Aomori? That's four hours away," Kenji said.

"It's where she belongs," Atsuko said. "My great-aunt spoke often of its spiritualistic nature. It's the best place for that child."

Julia clutched the arm of her chair, warding off the dizziness that attacked her. "We have to abandon her?" she whispered, her throat dry. "We have to leave her to die?"

Atsuko shrugged. "Whether she lives or dies will depend on fate," she said. "But we cannot keep her here."

"She's just a baby," Suzume objected.

Her husband placed his hand on her knee. "It may be for the best," Kenji said.

Julia's head spun. She leaped up from her chair and stumbled out of the room.

_My child…left to die…_

"What's wrong with you?" Takashi asked as he followed her down the hall. "Why did you just leave like that?"

Julia spun around. "What's wrong with me?" she said bitterly. "What's wrong…Takashi, your family wants us to abandon our child."

Takashi dropped his gaze to the floor. Julia balled her hands into fists. "Why won't you say anything?" she demanded through clenched fists. "Are you just going to sit by and let them do it?"

Takashi rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe…it is for the best," he said quietly.

The tears she had been holding back burst out. "How could you?" she sobbed. "Our baby…our little girl…"

"Listen to me," Takashi said. "Julia, just hear me out."

"Hear you out?" she choked. "You're a murderer!"

"Julia," Takashi snapped. "You know she's not right. You saw how crazy she got. There's no way that we could care for her."

"Then why take her to a mountain to die?" she said. "Why not take her to an orphanage?"

"It would be better to let her die than to leave her to the state," Takashi said quietly. "They would lock her up in an asylum. Do you want that? Do you want to abandon her to the mercy of the government and let her live for sixty, seventy, eighty years locked up?"

"No," she whispered.

Takashi took her by the hands. "Listen to me," he said, more gently than he had spoken in months. "You've been unhappy ever since we came to live with my family."

She looked away. There was no way she could deny it.

"We only got married because of Anhura," he said. "And if there's not a child to keep us together…maybe we could go our separate ways."

She looked up. "What?" she said.

"I haven't been a very good husband to you," he said. "I don't think that I'm the sort of man who should have married."

"You're married to your work," she retorted.

"I know," he said, his voice still gentle. "And you're so young. Still just a free spirit." He touched her cheek lightly. "You can go back to school and finish your degree. Go become the famous singer you've always wanted to be, instead of an unhappy secretary."

"Takashi…" she whispered.

"Forget about this," he whispered. "Forget about me, about my family, about the child. Move on." He kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Marry a man on your terms. Have a family with him. I won't mind."

He pulled back and let go of her hands. "I'm going to tell them that we agree with their plans," he said. "Do you agree?"

She nodded. He walked down the hallway. Julia leaned against the wall, wondering why the dissolution of her marriage left her feeling lighter than she had felt in three years instead of devastated.

* * *

_December 31, 1988. 8:00 P.M.  
_

"Give this to her," Suzume said quietly. She handed Julia a tray. "She shouldn't be able to taste anything."

"Thank you," Julia said.

Suzume's eyes were red-rimmed. "I know it's her favorite," she said. She opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, then closed it. "Julia…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I know," Julia said.

Suzume pressed her hand to her lips, then fled down the hallway. Julia balanced the tray with one hand and fumbled with the lock on the guest room door.

Inside it was dark and quiet. The golden-haired child sat in the middle of the big bed, cradling a doll in her arms. "Anna," she called softly.

Anhura looked up. She was very pale, and her eyes looked large and overly bright. "Hi, Mama," she said.

Julia carried the tray to the bed. "I brought you some dinner," she said. "Miso soup." Anhura touched the spoon lethargically. "You need to eat."

"Mama, I'm sorry I was bad," she said. "Can I go out now?"

"Not yet," Julia said. She picked up the spoon, filled it with soup, and brought it to Anhura's lips. The little girl ate obediently. "Later. You can leave the room later."

She fed the child another spoonful of soup. "Can you feed yourself like a big girl?" Julia asked. Anhura nodded and took the spoon. "Eat all of it."

Anhura obeyed. The first vestiges of moonlight streamed through the blinds, casting stripes of white light over her blonde hair. She wore a little white dress with a red ribbon at the collar- one of her Christmas gifts. A doll in a matching dress sat beside her, slumped over despondently. Without thinking, Julia smoothed a lock of hair out of her daughter's eyes. Anhura looked up at her, her amber eyes luminous.

"Are you nearly done?" Julia asked, forcing herself to sound normal and not think. It felt dishonest to keep her mind so blank, but it was better than the child reading her thoughts.

Anhura handed her the empty bowl; the silver spoon clinked against the side. "Good girl," Julia praised dully. Anhura yawned. "You ought to go to sleep."

Her eyes closing drowsily, the child nestled down on the top of the bed, her blonde hair streaming over the clean white pillow. Julia stood up to leave.

"Mama?"

Julia paused.

"Will you kiss me goodnight?"

She willed herself to stay calm. Julia bent over the little girl and touched her lips to Anhura's soft cheek. "Goodnight," she whispered.

She made her way to the door and closed it behind her without turning back. She never saw her daughter's eyes following her, never heard her small voice whisper goodbye.

Julia walked downstairs. The Souma family gathered in the living room, waiting for her. Suzume avoided her gaze. "She ate all of it," she said in a low voice. "She ought to be asleep soon."

"We'll get her in a little bit," Kenji said.

Julia walked towards the front door. Her suitcases stood at the ready; she picked up her winter coat and hat. "There's a cab waiting for you at the end of the drive," Takashi said. "The flight to Paris leaves in two hours."

"Thank you," Julia said, slipping into her coat. She fastened the round buttons and picked up her suitcases. The Soumas regarded her coolly.

Takashi leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Take care," he said.

"You as well," she said. She leveled her gaze. "Good luck tonight."

He said nothing. She walked outside; the snow danced around her. The taxi driver helped her load her suitcases into the trunk and she sat down in the backseat. The door shut with a resounding finality as the most recent chapter in her life came to an end. And Julia Helaile drove away from the Souma house without a backwards glance.

* * *

_December 31, 1988. 11:52 P.M.  
_

The car chugged slowly towards the mountain. Takashi leaned back in the passenger seat. "Long drive," Kenji commented as he navigated.

"Mm-hm," Takashi said. His mind drifted to the contract that was sitting on his desk at home, still waiting to be read. If the merger went through, the company could double its profits. And now he would have plenty of time to work on it.

He glanced in the rear view mirror. Anhura slept in the back, slumped over in her booster seat. She held on limply to a small doll.

If only she could stay that way. She was such a pretty child. His employees had often commented on the photograph of her that he kept on his desk. And for such a young thing, she had nice manners and was quite intelligent.

Such a pity she was ruined.

Takashi looked at the road in front of them. The wind blew the snow around them in dizzying swathes of white. "Not really what I had in mind for New Year's," Kenji commented, trying to sound lighthearted.

"Mm-hm," Takashi said.

They drove in silence. Anhura still slept in the back, but Takashi resisted the urge to look at her again. The car crept around the mountainside road, occasionally sliding on the snow. After another thirty minutes of driving, they reached a bit of a plateau. A wide river, frozen over, wended past them.

Kenji stopped the car fifty yards from the river's edge. "I don't think I can get the car across that bridge," he said. "I suppose we have to…it has to be done here."

He parked. Without a word, Takashi got out and opened the back door. He fumbled with the heavy buckles of the booster seat, then reached for the child. Anhura didn't move, lost in the throes of her drugged sleep. Takashi draped a red blanket around her and carried her out into the cold.

Snow clustered on her long lashes. The cold did nothing to rouse her. Takashi carried her to the bridge as snow sank into his shoes. He paused by the riverbank. After hearing his mother's words on the haunting hell of Mount Osore, he had no desire to cross to the other side. Instead, he laid Anhura down at the foot of the bridge. Her golden hair escaped the confines of the blanket and spread across the snow, shining in the moonlight. Takashi tucked the blanket around her and turned back to the car.

He didn't look back as Kenji put the car in reverse and turned around. They drove back down the mountain in crushing silence. The snow continued to fall in soft thick flakes, hushing the churning of the tires.

The sun was beginning to rise when he glanced into the backseat. The booster seat sat empty, still harnessed to the car. Something white rested on the floor. He realized that it was the doll. Takashi leaned around his seat and picked up the toy. The doll's blonde hair draped over his hand; her white dress with its jaunty red ribbon looked painfully familiar.

He dropped it. The doll spread across the floor, disjointed and neglected. For a moment he saw his daughter asleep beside the bridge, her golden hair obliterated by the snow, and for the first time he felt the painful stab of regret.

Surely she was dead by now.

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**Auth**or's Notes:

This was an incredibly difficult chapter to write. It took me a while to develop it. After all...what could bring a parent to the point that they would even consider abandoning their child to die, much less carrying out the act? I finally had to come to the conclusion that her parents weren't necessarily evil people- just selfish. Raising a daughter was already an inconvenience; tack on her gifts and they had even more motive to find a way to get out it.

Still, it was hard to write. I'm glad I don't have to write about her parents anymore...although they may show up later.

Next chapter is all from Kino's point of view. Things will get a little bit more familiar.

And now...to answer some questions!

**zaza98able: **Oh...yeah. The Souma family names. Um...so I made a timeline. And I charted out everyone's ages and dates of birth and crap...and then I realized they were a HUGE PAIN. Basically I would consult my family list and pick out who would say things. I used a lot of characters because I wanted to emphasize that not only was this a loud, boisterous, closeknit family, but they created a sort of barrier that prevented Anna from becoming a part of them, since she was so different. But yeah...I'm glad I don't have to write them anymore!

**yehey: **Thanks for the good wishes! I hope this chapter turned out well. It kind of broke my heart a little bit.

**xxlovesaidnoxx: **It is pretty difficult writing Anna's story, since information about her is few and far between in the manga. But I actually reread the entire thing and created a timeline, so I know what I have to work with and what gaps I need to fill in. Because I'm insane, and this story is actually going to all the way up to Funbari no Uta. Hopefully I'll be able to do it justice.

**majrocks: **Thanks! It always bothered me too...it's nice to know that I'm not alone!

**the terrorist: **Her dad smacked her to make her be quiet. Sad, but he was afraid and frustrated and didn't know what else to do. And you're absolutely right about Julia- she's not a bad person, but she's very naive and selfish. She's young, too- she had Anna when she was nineteen.

**Why did you call her "Anhura"? And where's it from?**

Well...I wanted to give her a full name. When I was a young, inexperienced, and frankly quite awful writer in the fandom, I referred to her as "Annabelle" because I wanted her to have a longer name...gah. Stupid. So for this go-round, I wanted to give her a name that at least sounded authentic. I chose the name "Anhura" because I'm a huge, crazy, rabid fan of an indie rock concept musical called Razia's Shadow. It's an allegorical fairy tale, and in the second act there's a princess named Anhura, sung by Greta Salpeter of the Hush Sound. Go on Youtube and search for the Razia's Shadow song "It's True Love." Give it a listen. It's so worth your time.

(And fun fact: I use the name Anhura in my Avatar stories too, as the name for Iroh's wife. Obsessed? Yes? Yes.)

**Why is this story called "Spider Lilies"?  
**

Whenever Takei draws Anna in a particularly thoughtful mood, he draws her surrounded by a particular kind of flower, and in one of them he had drawn a little arrow pointing to them and wrote "spider lilies." I looked it up, and in the Japanese language of flowers, spider lilies stand for abandonment and a forgotten past. It was too good to pass up, so I used it for the title.

I hope you liked this new chapter!! Let me know what you think...questions, comments, complaints! Constructive criticism is more than welcome. **  
**


	4. The Arcing of a Life

Special thanks to xxandlovesaidnoxx, HPCS2, yehey, Animewitch17, the terrorist, and zaz98able for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

Can you see it in the night?

Can you feel that it's out there?

It's the arcing of a life

And it's hanging in the air

--_"Who is This Child?" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra_

_January 1, 1989_

The mountain was restless.

After spending years so close to Mount Osore, she was quite receptive to the ebb and flow of the mountain's energy. And something, clearly, was wrong.

Kino strolled outside. The winter winds blew softly, but she was no stranger to the cold of Aomori. Snow filtered through the air and cloaked her hair and shoulders. She enjoyed the sensation. It had been so long since she had lost her sight that she no longer missed it; she was content with her other senses.

She walked through the drifting snow in silence. She knew the grounds of her inn inside and out, but things grew stranger as she approached the mountain. Wind whipped past the pinwheels and the paper blades clacked noisily.

The strange uneasiness deepened the farther she walked. Something was truly wrong. The spirits were unsettled. Something had disrupted them…or someone.

She heard the quiet rush of the river under its thick layer of ice. Kino walked towards the bridge, heeding the inexplicable pull towards the river's edge.

And that was when she found it.

A small blanket-wrapped bundle lay beside the bridge, barely shielded from the cold. A thick layer of snow covered it; she brushed it away and recoiled when her fingers touched soft freezing skin.

Someone had left a child there.

Kino bent over the prone little figure, holding her cheek above the child's lips. At first nothing…and then a barely discernable warm breath.

Kino leaned back. "Well, little one," she said aloud, her voice echoing in the night air. "It seems that death has passed you by."

She knew better than to look for the baby's parents. Mount Osore was closed for the winter, and it was New Year's Eve. No family would come to the banks of the river on a pleasure trip in the middle of the night. No, this was intentional. Someone had made the decision to leave the child there.

Kino caught the attention of the nearest passing spirit, pulling it into materialization as her rosary clacked. "Lady Asakura," the young woman said, surprised.

"Did you see where this child came from?" Kino asked without preamble.

"Two men were here," she replied. "They put the baby by the bridge and drove away."

_Two men…the child's father?_

"Be my eyes," Kino said. "What do you see?"

The spirit seemed confused, but obliged. "I see footprints," she said, "nearly filled with snow. I see the red blanket the child is wrapped in, and her yellow hair."

"Her?"

"It's a little girl, Lady Asakura."

Kino lifted the baby cautiously. The little girl slumped in her arms, limp and lifeless. But she had touched death before, and she knew there was life remaining yet.

"Lady Asakura?" The spirit hesitated. "What shall become of her?"

"I'm not sure," Kino said.

She carried the little girl down the mountainside. It was slow going; the wind tore at her clothes and took liberties with her balance. The child didn't rouse. Kino wondered if she ever would.

At long last she reached the inn. She fumbled with the lock while balancing the child in the crook of one arm and stumbled inside. Melting snow dripped down her clothes and soaked into the floor.

Her arms ached as she carried the baby to an empty room. "I'm too old for this," she muttered. She laid the child down on the futon, pulling the snow-drenched blanket away from her. The little girl's skin felt like ice under her touch. Kino pulled several thick, clean blankets down and wrapped them around her.

_She survived the mountain_, she reminded herself. _Surely the battle is halfway through._

_

* * *

  
_

_January 2, 1989_

"You found a _what_?"

"A child," Kino said, pulling the phone away from her ear as her daughter's voice rose in indignation. "Two men abandoned her on the side of the mountain on New Year's Eve."

"And she's not dead?" Keiko said skeptically.

"Not yet." Kino moved to the little girl's side and touched her hot forehead. "She's still asleep."

"You ought to get her to eat something."

"I know that," Kino retorted. "I'm not entirely unschooled in the caring of children. I raised you, didn't I?"

"I know, Mother," Keiko said. "I just- hold on."

Kino heard the high-pitched voice of her grandson through the phone. He was nearly four years old now, but she hadn't seen him since his birth. She heard her daughter scold him gently, her voice soft and measured.

She turned towards the sleeping child. This little girl was most likely around her grandson's age. For a moment she imagined her son-in-law carrying Yoh up to the mountain to die, and she stifled the idea. She couldn't fathom what would bring a grown adult to leave a helpless child to die.

"Sorry about that," Keiko said. Kino turned her attention back to the phone conversation. "Has she really been asleep all this time?"

"It worries me," she admitted.

"What are you going to do with her? Send her to an orphanage?"

"I'm not sure," Kino said. "I'm not in any position to raise a child, but…"

"-but?" Keiko finished.

Kino touched the sleeping child's burning forehead. "There few adults who can escape Mount Osore unscathed," she said. "I want to know how this baby could do that."

"You think she has powers."

It was a statement, not a question. She was silent for a moment. "I don't want to hand her over to an orphanage without knowing for sure," she said reluctantly.

"And if she does?"

"It depends," Kino said. "Even if she is gifted, I doubt she has the potential to become an itako. I might send her to you, to become a miko. Or perhaps even Mikihisa can train her."

Keiko fell silent at the mention of her perpetually absent husband. "Perhaps," she said quietly. "I need to go, Mother. I'm needed at the temple."

"Of course," Kino said. She bade her goodbyes and hung up.

The sleeping child beside her moved slightly. She touched the little girl's arm, but she flinched. The girl tossed restlessly, her breathing coming faster and faster until it sounded like ragged gasps.

"Hush," Kino commanded. "Lie still, little one. Lie still."

She may have been blind, but she could still sense the feel of eyes upon her. The child was finally awake.

"My name is Kino," she said, trying to keep her voice as soft and gentle as she could manage. "I found you by the river. You've been asleep for a long time."

She stroked the little girl's hair away from her hair. The child did nothing. "What's your name?"

Kino waited for a reply. At long last, she rasped out the answer. "An…na."

"What's your surname?"

Nothing.

"How old are you?"

Still nothing.

Kino sighed and tucked the blanket around little Anna. "I'll get you something to eat," she said. "Don't try to move. You're ill."

Kino left the child's room and made her way to the kitchen. She could still feel Anna's unnerving gaze following her.

* * *

_April 10, 1989_

Anna sat quietly in the corner. She had found a doll in one of the rooms of the inn, left behind by some guest's child long ago, and now she clutched in her small hands. Kino shook her head. The child had been living in the old inn for several months now. She was ill for a long time after her night in the snow, but now she was better, albeit still a bit frail and weak.

_She should go to an orphanage, _Kino thought. _This is no place to raise a child._

But there was still a nagging, lingering thought that prevented her from taking the little girl down to the prefecture asylum. There had to be something, some sort of shamanic gift that had kept her alive and safe from the spirits that would have torn an ordinary human's spirit to pieces.

But Anna refused to acknowledge anything. Time and time again she had tried to bring the child out of her shell, to test her unobtrusively. Yet nothing seemed to catch her attention, not even when she summoned spirits while the child was in the room. She just kept to herself, quiet and withdrawn, cradling the battered old doll in arms while she watched those trashy soap operas.

Kino sat down at the table and leaned her cane against the edge. "Anna," she called. "Come here, child."

The little girl stayed quiet- hesitating. Reluctantly she set the doll down and edged closer to Kino.

She did her best to keep her voice soft and gentle, so as not to spook the little girl, but it was a difficult endeavor. "Anna," she said. "I want to ask you something. And I want you to give me an honest answer. Can you do that?"

"Yes," the little girl said.

"I know that you can see ghosts like I do," Kino said. "You have a special gift."

The child said nothing. Kino took Anna's soft little hands in her cool wrinkled ones.

"I want you to tell me what you know about your gift," she said. "And I would like to test you, so that you can be trained properly."

Anna pulled her hands away. "Can't," she said.

"Why not?" Kino asked.

"I can't," she insisted, shaking her head. "I can't, I can't. I promised."

"Who?" Kino asked, perplexed. "Who did you promise?"

"I can't," the child said desperately. She broke free and fled the room, leaving the doll behind in her haste.

Kino bowed her head. _The child is troubled, _she thought. _I'll give her time. Just a little more time._

_

* * *

_

_July 22, 1989_

Kino held the child by the hand as they walked through the hot, busy streets of Aomori. It was only midday, and she was exhausted. The girl had been entirely too much of a handful. She had gotten dressed and packed her few belongings without a fuss, but the closer they came to the city, the more recalcitrant the child became.

"Come along, Anna," Kino said, a bit impatiently. The little girl lagged behind her, tripping over her own shoes.

The child had been in her custody for nearly eight months. She was healthy again, although still thinner than most children her age. She was mostly obedient, stayed quiet, and stayed out of the way. Kino was still convinced that the child was gifted, but Anna refused to acknowledge it. If she refused to acknowledge it, she was untrainable. And if she was untrainable…well, there was no call for an elderly woman to raise a toddler in a remote inn. She would be better off in an orphanage, with other children her own age. Maybe someone would adopt her eventually. Heaven knows the child needed a good home.

Kino walked towards the broad front steps of the orphanage. People brushed past them…social workers, other children, even a few couples. Anna looked around her wildly, as if they were all talking to her at once and she didn't know who to answer. Her breathing came quick and heavy.

"Anna," Kino said, a little more gentle than before. "Stop that and come with me."

She pushed open the doors to the orphanage; the cool air conditioning blasted them. Anna winced as they entered the bustling lobby.

Kino dodged the crowd, still dragging Anna behind her. She approached the front desk, where a young, pretty woman sat at a computer. "Hello," the receptionist said. "How can I help you?"

Kino attempted to organize her thoughts. After all, how does one go about abandoning a child to the mercy of strangers?

"I found this little girl left on the mountain," she began at last. "In January. Someone abandoned her."

The child let go of her hand. Kino took her by the shoulder. "I've been caring for her since then, but…I'm old. I can't raise a child," she said.

The receptionist clicked her tongue sympathetically. Anna shivered under Kino's grip. "Poor dear," she said, typing away on the computer. "Well, we do have some space available in our wards. How old is she?"

"Somewhere around three or four years old," Kino said.

The lobby echoed with the milling crowd. Anna sank to the floor, leaning heavily against the desk and breaking from Kino's grip. She heard the child begin to cry softly- something she had never seen from the little girl before.

"You're in luck. We can take her," the perky girl said. She flipped through her files. "We'll just fill out this paperwork and she'll be off your hands."

Anna continued to shake. Kino placed her hand on the child's head. "Can I just have a moment?" she asked.

"Certainly," the young woman said as she shuffled through the papers.

Kino took Anna by the hand and led her to a quiet corner. The little girl stumbled beside her. She set the child on a bench and sat down beside her. "Listen to me," she said. The child shifted, her small body shaking with the force of her breathing. "Anna. You have a gift. I can help you learn how to control it. But you must be willing to be trained. I don't have a reason to keep you if you cannot acknowledge it."

Anna stopped crying, but her chest still heaved. "My…they told me I couldn't tell," she whispered. "I…I told them…and I…"

"You must tell me," Kino insisted.

"Voices," Anna whispered. "I can hear them. When I see people…I hear them. And they say bad things."

Kino's heart pounded. _This child has Hao's gift, _she realized. _Oh, what we could do with this one…using Hao's own power against him…_

"Who's Hao?" Anna rasped.

Kino shook her head. "I'll tell you at the proper time," she said.

"Can we leave?" she begged. "All the people here…I keep hearing them. They won't leave me alone." She drew in several shuddering breaths. "I just want them to leave me alone."

Kino took the child's soft, hot hand. "Come along," she said. "We'll go back to the inn, where it's quiet."

They left the orphanage, walking past the abandoned children, the exhausted social workers, the couples who had been left barren. And while Kino could only imagine the turmoil that they hid deep inside, she knew that Anna could feel it as sharply as they did. On her small shoulders she bore the weight of all their secret burdens, and for the first time Kino realized the depth of the choice she had just made.

-

-

-

**Author's Notes:**

It's difficult to write Kino, since she's blind...but I write Toph Bei Fong a lot for Avatar stories, so I hope that that helped out a little bit...

And now we're into more familiar characters! There's going to be about four or so chapters about Anna's childhood...and then I get to start writing about when she meets Yoh! I'm so excited about writing that part. I've done some preliminary development about how I'm going to handle it...seriously, I'm so excited.

So yeah...let me know what you think of the story so far!

**xxandlovesaidnoxx**: I'm glad that you found the rest of the manga! I have some of the books, but I go on One Manga for my research when I'm too lazy to pick up my books. And yup...I'm going all the way up to Funbari no Uta! It'll take a while...

HPCS2: I'm glad that this story is following what you always imagined for Anna!

yehey: Yeah...I struggled with the last chapter, because I couldn't reconcile myself with the fact that her family _did _give her up. I guess I just made most of them heartless because it was easier. Most of her family was apathetic about her anyway, and her parents were too selfish to sacrifice their own happiness to keep their daughter. Gah. I might end up doing a bit of a rewrite on that one...

**Animewitch17: **I'm super excited you're hooked! I hope this chapter was a good one...

**the terrorist:** I guess Takashi loved Anna, since she was his daughter, but he was never an active parent to her...so...I guess the best way I can explain it is that his daughter was more of an abstract concept to him.

**zaza98able:** I'm glad you liked it! And yeah, I'm glad I don't have to keep her family straight anymore either!

Let me know what you think about this story! Feedback is always welcome!


	5. I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears

Special thanks to caramel, yehey, zaza98able, the terrorist, Asaka, and Maggie for their kind reviews! (And for waiting patiently between updates!)

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

You're a canary, I'm a coal mine

Because sorrow is just all the rage

Take one for the team- you all know what I mean

And I'm so sorry, but not really

Tell the boys where to find my body

The truth hurts worse than anything

I could bring myself to do to you.

_-"I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers" by Fall Out Boy_

_October 10, 1989_

Anna sat in the darkness of the mountain, her head fuzzy from being woken up in the middle of the night. Autumn winds blew around her, making the blades of the pinwheels clack and lifting her hair off the back of her neck. The thick, oppressive blackness surrounded her so completely that she couldn't see her hand in front of her face. She could only tell that Kino was still there because of the old woman's thoughts.

**You know she has to begin her training. She doesn't need your pity. She needs you to lead her, to shape her into what she must become.**

_What must I become? _Anna thought, but aloud all she said was, "It's dark."

"Of course it's dark," Kino said sharply. "I am training you to become an itako. Most itako are blind, which allows them to hone their other senses- particularly their sixth sense."

Something brushed up against Anna's arm; she pulled her thin kimono tighter around herself. "I don't like the dark," she said.

Kino sighed. "You must learn to deal with it," she said. "This is the beginning of an itako's training- sitting in pure darkness and pure silence. With nothing to distract, a neophyte itako can focus her energies on the spirits around her."

**She's so young. Most girls don't start training until they're ten. But if Anna doesn't begin her training now, she'll have only three years' worth of experience when the shaman fight begins. And without experience, she'll never be able to use her powers to counter Hao's.**

"Who's Hao?" Anna asked.

Kino shook her head. "Quiet, child," she snapped. She seemed unsettled. "Sit quietly and breathe."

Spirits rose around them like breaths on a winter wind. Anna tensed up. "What are those?" she asked, her voice rising.

"The dead," Kino said simply. "They are ghosts that have nowhere left to haunt, and are unable to cross over into their eternity. Mount Osore is like a magnet to these empty souls." She tapped her cane against the hard ground. "You must wait here. I'll return in an hour."

"Where are you going?" Anna demanded. The spirits came closer and closer; the panic was overwhelming.

"I will return in an hour," she repeated. "Sit here, child. Breathe and listen. Become open to the spirits around you."

Anna's lungs seized up as the spirits surrounded her. She heard the tapping of Kino's cane as she walked away down the hard mountain path. Anna took a deep breath and waited for the hour to end.

* * *

_June 16, 1990_

Anna trudged behind Kino as they walked down the main street of the village. "I trust you still have my list?" the old woman asked briskly.

Anna tried to tune out the sounds around her. "Yes," she said, sounding more sulky than she really was.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," Kino said. "I have given you the day off from your training, and I've let you come down to the village. And it's such a nice day. Why can't you be pleasant like an ordinary child?"

They walked in silence down the sidewalk, but the streets were anything but quiet. Anna walked behind Kino with her head hanging, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.

**There goes the little blonde girl. How strange. No other child in this town has hair that color.**

Air conditioning from an open shop door, cutting through the summer heat and lifting her hair away from her neck. Anna twisted the long, silky locks in her hand and attempt to tame them. It was no use. The words continued.

**The Asakura woman is really keeping that little thing? It's so strange that she didn't die on the mountainside.**

Anna closed her eyes tightly and wished for silence, but to no avail. She could feel eyes boring into her from every side- from mothers shopping with their children, from teenagers hanging out during their summer vacations, from shop owners who eyed her warily, as if she might steal from them at any moment.

**Only a freak could have survived. I heard that mountain's haunted. Freak. Freak.**

"They're staring at me," Anna muttered, half to herself.

"What was that?" Kino said absently.

"They're staring at me," Anna repeated, her voice sounding tight and spiteful even in her own ears.

"What kind of things?" Kino asked.

She paused. _Does she really want to know, or is she trying to use me?_

"Look at the blonde girl," she said at last, voicing the ugly words that only she could hear. "No one here's blonde, why is she? Isn't she that orphan from the mountain? How could she have lived, she must be a demon."

"You're not a demon," Kino said. "Believe me, I've met them. You're nothing like them."

"They think I'm evil," Anna spat. She could feel their eyes on her, feel the pressure of their ugly thoughts. "I think they're evil."

Kino took her by the hand. The old woman's fingers were brittle and warm compared to her soft cold ones. "Don't look down upon the humans," she said. "We shamans have been called to live a different life than them, that's all. You'll see. There are plenty of shamans who will welcome you."

**She **_**is **_**unusual, though. Even for a shaman. No ordinary human could have survived the mountain, and even a shaman would have struggled.**

The hair on the back of Anna's neck prickled. _Even Kino thinks I'm a freak,_ she thought. Anna pulled her hand away. "You're lying to me," she said, and she walked faster down the street.

* * *

_August 30, 1991_

Anna huddled in the back seat of the bus, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat. Without thinking she wiped at the wetness on her face, and stared in shock at the dark drying blood on her hand. She shrunk further, avoiding the stares of the other passengers.

**Has she been abused? Is she running away from school? Why is such a little girl on the bus alone? And covered in blood?**

Anna pulled up the collar of her uniform blouse. She knew she looked awful- her torn knee socks and dirty knees, her hair torn free of her braids, the blood smeared across her face and clothes.

_I told Kino I didn't want to go to school, _she thought. _I told her, I told her._

Last week she had begun her first day at Aomori Elementary. Kino had insisted.

"No shaman is uneducated," she had scolded. "And I can't keep you at home and teach you myself. I have far too much work with your training as it is. Besides, the truant officers will force you if you don't attend yourself."

So Anna, with many misgivings, dressed herself in her uniform and rode the bus twelve miles to the school. It was a pleasant enough building, with none of the shaky, anxious sort of feelings that she got from her training trips to the mountain. But she was around people- far too many people.

Teachers and students surrounded her, filling her head with their pettiness, their selfishness, their stupidity. Sometimes they thought about her, sometimes they didn't. Anna coped the best way she could- by keeping her mouth shut and doing what she was told. She was left alone, and that was all right with her.

But no man is an island, and neither is a silent six-year-old. It started innocently enough- a little girl asking her why her hair was golden instead of black. Anna had only shrugged, overwhelmed by the rude running commentary in her questioner's head. Then more of them starting asking her. One enterprising boy, who had overheard the whispers of her elders, asked her how she managed to not die on the mountains. It made her sick to her stomach to stay quiet and not lash out wildly, but she managed.

That is, until this morning.

The bus creaked into the stop a short distance from the inn. Anna peered out the window to see Kino waiting for her. She picked up her little schoolbag and trudged off the bus.

"Well?" Kino said.

"Well, what?" Anna said dully.

"Tell me what happened."

Anna shrugged. "He punched me in the mouth," she reported, unable to summon any sort of emotion. She was beyond feeling. "And he pulled my hair. He said nobody normal had blonde hair."

"Is that all?"

"They hate me," Anna said flatly. "They all do. They called me a freak."

"Aloud?"

"In their hearts," she said. "They wanted me to go away and leave them alone. No one wanted to play with me." She clenched and unclenched her small fists, digging her short bitten-off fingernails into her palms until the painful sting distracted her from the sudden spurt of anger that rose up rebelliously. "Hajime said his mother told him to stay away from me. And he toldthe other kids that my yellow hair meant I was a freak, and he pulled it. He pulled it really hard."

"And what did you do?"

Anna squirmed slightly. "I slapped him," she confessed. "And I might have bit him a couple of times too."

Kino closed her sightless eyes, processing what Anna had told her. Her thoughts pushed into Anna's.

**A shamanic child pushed to her limits…well, I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that a split lip and a suspension from school was all that happened.**

"What could have happened?" Anna asked.

Kino sighed. "Don't worry over it, child," she said. "Go to your room. We'll begin your training at the usual time." She turned to leave. Anna couldn't. Kino turned around when she realized Anna hadn't followed. "Didn't you hear me? Go to your room. Get yourself cleaned up."

"Don't make me go back," Anna said. She could see it again, the boy pulling her hair and the other children laughing and the knot of rage that twisted in her stomach. "Nothing will get better when I go back."

"We'll see," Kino said warily. "We'll see."

* * *

_September of 1992_

Anna sat in the corner of the guest lounge with her language arts workbook. An early autumn rainstorm rattled the windows; she huddled closer to the warmth of the space heater as she continued with her schoolwork. It had taken some doing, but Kino had finally relented and allowed her to study from home, rather than undergoing the daily torture of the elementary school. After another suspension for fighting and almost daily trips home with ripped clothing, streaked blood, and missing belongings- all before the winter holiday- Kino really had no choice.

Anna didn't mind staying in the inn all day. She liked the peace and quiet, and Kino rarely bothered her, except when it was time for her itako training. In the meantime Anna busied herself with books, and the small collection of dolls she had cobbled together from several searches through the inn's attic and cellar. But sometimes she was just…bored.

She heard Kino's step in the hall and turned back to her books. "We don't have many guests in the inn," the old woman said. "You won't find much in the way of companionship here."

"That's fine with me," said a second, younger sounding voice. "I need some peace and quiet."

Anna peeked over the edge of her workbook as Kino ushered a young woman, most likely a college student, into the lounge. "This is my ward, Anna," she said. "Anna, this is Awaya Ryonsuke. She'll be staying her for a while."

"Hey," said Awaya, shoving her hands in her pockets. She looked to be in her late teens or early twenties, with long ragged hair and ripped jeans. A guitar case was strapped to her back and a duffle bag was slung over one shoulder. Anna could hear her thoughts clearly- a cocktail of bitterness, exhaustion, and hopes.

Awaya's eyes lit up. "Is that a piano?" she asked, pointing to the corner of the room.

"It's old," Kino warned. "You're welcome to play it if you like, though."

Awaya shrugged off her luggage, sat down at the bench, and lifted the lid. Anna put down her workbook and crept closer. The older girl played the beginning of a slow, mournful melody, the notes sounding only slightly out of tune.

Anna approached the piano slowly, watching the older girl's fingers moving gracefully over the keys. "You can play that?" she asked.

Awaya looked up, and Anna tried her hardest to tune out her thoughts. "Yeah," she said. "Can you?"Anna shook her head. "I can teach you, if you want."

"I guess," Anna said, staring wide-eyed at the dusty keys.

Awaya stayed at the inn for a month, usually holed up in her rented room with her guitar. But at least once a day she would emerge to teach Anna how to play the piano. It was a struggle for the seven-year-old to spend time with a stranger, especially one with such tumbling, tumultuous thoughts. Much to her credit, Awaya didn't seem concerned with Anna's odd behavior- in fact, Anna wondered if Awaya's own oddities made them get along as well as they did.

Of course, she couldn't stay forever, and just like every person Anna had warmed up to, she left abruptly, returning to her hometown of Kyoto without saying goodbye. But she had at least left something behind.

Anna found herself returning to the piano again and again, progressing from the chords and songs that Awaya had taught her to convoluted melodies and harmonies that she came up with on her own. It was a blessed release to be able to sit down at the bench and forget everything else.

Kino never said anything about her new hobby, neither good nor bad, but one day Anna overheard her thoughts as she paused outside the door while she was playing.

**Hm. He likes music too.**

_Who's "he"? _Anna wondered, but she turned back to the keys and forgot.

* * *

_March of 1993_

Anna walked down the sidewalk with her head down. She hated it when Kino sent her into town on errands, but at least she had learned how to make herself as invisible as possible.

The innermost thoughts of the people around her swirled and roared in her ears. They didn't notice her, but she knew everything. She took a deep breath and kept moving, trying to ignore them.

A different voice caught her attention. She ducked behind a corner and watched.

A tourist family sat outside a sweets shop- a father, a mother, and two little children. They spoke a different language- soft, melodic, and slurred. It sounded so familiar that it made her throat close up tightly.

_I know this, _she thought. _I _know _this._

She leaned against the wall, her eyes closed, trying to remember. Some of the words made sense, as if she had dreamed it long ago and she was just beginning to wake up.

Snatches of vague memories flashed by. She remembered a young woman speaking in that language- a pretty woman, with long golden hair and brilliant green eyes and a sweet smile. But then she saw that same woman, all of the joy gone out of her, sitting on the edge of a bed in a darkened room. There was something unusual and terrible and grim about her. Anna forced the thought away, trying to remember the bright and laughing girl who spoke a different language.

_It had to have been my mother, _she thought.

The tourist family chatted amiably amongst themselves in their own language, unheeding of the little girl eavesdropping. Her heart thudded so hard against her ribcage that she was sure that the bones were going to break. Their achingly familiar words drove her wild.

The family got up to leave, but the younger child- a little boy about five- grew upset. The mother chided him, but the child continued to protest. Anna drew back as the emotions grew sharp and raw in her heart.

Suddenly everything grew sharp and clear. She froze against the wall as, for the first time, she was no longer just hearing their thoughts, but seeing them, visualizing exactly what they were thinking. It was a stupid argument, but the child's juvenile anger flooded into her.

**Stupid! My mother is so stupid! I hate her!**

Anna slumped against the wall, her head throbbing. The boy's temper tantrum melded with the mother's response.

**I wish he would just outgrow this phase. I can't stand him sometimes!**

The clarity of a stranger's selfishness in her own head was too much. She crumpled to the ground, closing her eyes tightly, waiting for them to walk away so that she didn't have to endure this any longer.

But they didn't walk away. They stood there, the mother and child fighting, the older sister egging them on and the father trying to calm them all down. The hurricane of thoughts pushed Anna too far; the world felt black and far away, as if she was about to pass out.

Something burst through her, burning through her chest. She opened her eyes, wondering if the gift had left her for good, but all she saw in front of her was a spirit.

It was around the same size as she was, red and bug-eyed. She scrambled back against the wall, oddly terrified, even though she was constantly surrounded by creatures like this. It looked at her and smirked, then dashed into the crowd.

Anna curled up against the wall, ignored by the arguing family as they walked past her. She could still see the little red oni running away, and her stomach twisted.

_I did that_, she thought. _That…that came from me._

She sat in the shade of the alleyway for a while, hiding from passers-by, and praying for the millionth time that this awful gift could be taken away from her.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry it took so long to update! Between some mega-craziness in the Asthore house and some roadblocks with this chapter, it took a while to write.

Originally this chapter was told from Kino's point of view, but when I was nearly done with it, I realized that it would be much more effective if it was told from Anna's perspective. Lo and behold, I wrote the new version ten times faster than the old one, and I like it much better.

I also retooled my chapter breakdowns, so guess what? This is chapter five...in chapter seven, Anna meets Yoh! Hurray! Progress is being made!

And now here are some responses to your lovely reviews:

**caramel: **Yes. Yes, it will be a long story. But not quite as long as it was originally!

**yehey: **Kino's an interesting character. I usually made her out to be a villain in my earlier stories, but I tried to be a little less biased in this version. (Although she's a very useful villain.) And Yoh will be here soon! Yay! (He was even briefly mentioned in this chapter.)

**zaza98able: **I'm glad this story makes you so excited! And I know you mentioned in your review for "Nicest Thing" that you were mad that I didn't update faster...well, being a newlywed sucks up a little more time than one would think...

**the terrorist: **I'm happy you're sticking with this story! You always have very nice reviews (which I appreciate). And Yoh will be here in just one more chapter! Huzzah!

**Asaka: **Here's your update! I'll try to post the next one sooner.

**Maggie: **I usually stick to One Manga...I'm a creature of habit. And OF COURSE I'm writing about Yoh's battle with Faust! I'm writing everything!

It's been awhile since I updated, so I'm sure you've got questions...lay 'em on me! I look forward to hearing what you think!

**Next chapter: **Anna sinks deeper and deeper as her gift begins to overtake her, and nothing improves when Kino informs her of what her future will hold.


	6. I'm So Sick

Special thanks to zaza98able, caramel, xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx, yehey, cm21, and the terrorist for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

I will break into your thoughts of what's written on my heart

I will break…break

I'm so sick, infected with where I live

Let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness

I'm so sick…I'm so sick…

-_"I'm So Sick" by Flyleaf_

* * *

_January 17, 1994_

Anna rolled the beads of the rosary around her fingers. "Pay attention," Kino said sharply. "Summoning via rosary is dangerous. Most itako don't learn this technique until they're much older."

"I'm paying attention," Anna retorted sullenly.

"Well, pay better attention," Kino said. "Haven't I told you about the shaman fight? You need to begin your training. Now, you must enter the trance. "Prepare yourself. It's exhausting."

Anna held the rosary in front of her, took a deep breath, and recited the words she had memorized earlier. "One I place for my mother," she said. "Two I place for my father."

The beads clacked rhythmically under her fingers. The sound was soothing, and she found herself mentally drifting. "Three I place for those in my hometown," she said. Her voice sounded faded and unearthly, even in her own ears. "We pray for your soul."

"Focus on the spirit you are trying to summon," Kino urged. "Offer yourself as their gateway."

"If you can hear my voice on the other side, rise. If you can hear this rosary, come," she intoned.

She felt something pulling her ribcage, as if something was trying to climb out. It didn't hurt- she was too far removed to feel pain, but the tugging was incessant and distracting.

"You're not focused enough," Kino scolded. The old woman took out her own rosary and smoothly bound the spirit. Anna stumbled back, dizzy and nauseated, as the rosary slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor.

"I got it here, didn't I?" she said.

"Yes, but you couldn't bring it all the way through, much less interact with it," Kino said. She sighed. "You did well enough for your first time, and for your age, I suppose. Go and rest."

Anna swiped the back of her hand over her mouth; lost in her trance, she hadn't realized that she had bitten through her lip, and blood had dripped down her chin. "I want to try again," she said.

"You've done enough," Kino said. "And you're only eight. This is a technique taught to girls in their teens."

"I can do it, let me try again," she insisted.

Kino sighed. "If we must," she said. She handed the rosary to Anna, who gripped the slippery beads as if they were a lifeline.

* * *

_July 22, 1994_

Anna slid the long silver needle in and out of the scrap of embroidered satin while a summer thunderstorm tapped sheets of rain against her window. She hummed a little under her breath, then tied a knot at the end of the seam and clipped it with her teeth.

The bare lightbulb above her bed swung suddenly with the storm. She started, glancing around in the darkness. Kino had given her this room long ago, and while she was accustomed to it, she hated the lack of light. Without thinking, Anna grabbed one of her dolls, tucking it under her arm, and stood up slowly. She inched into the darker part of the room and rummaged in the bottom drawer of her bureau for her stash of candles.

Hopefully Kino hadn't figured out that she had been systematically stealing candles. The old woman was blind, after all, maybe it would take her a while to realize it. Kino didn't need them, anyway.

Anna set the doll down beside her bed, set the candles around her, and lit them carefully. The cheerful little lights danced merrily, belying the darkness and the storm outside. She picked up her needle and thread and took several neat stitches.

She had amassed a good-sized collection of dolls, mostly from rummaging through the inn's attic and cellar and various closed off rooms. Sometimes she even spent her New Year's money on a brand new doll- when she was brave enough to go to the village. She suspected it was childish for a girl of nine to be so attached to something as stupid as a toy, but at this point she just didn't care. It was a relief to be able to look into a face- even just a molded, painted one- and hear nothing. Dolls weren't rude and selfish, they didn't accuse her of anything, they didn't shun her.

The storm continue to clatter outside her window. She knew she should be sleeping, but she also knew that sleep meant restless dreams without peace. So she sat on her bed, surrounded by kind-eyed dolls and winking candles, and sewed until daylight peeked through her window.

* * *

_October 30, 1994_

Anna gripped the rosary beads, her heart pounding.

_You could die if you mess this up, you know._

She shoved the thoughts away and clicked the beads into their comfortable yet unsettling rhythm. "One I place for my mother," she said.

She stood on the bridge on Mount Osore, her hair whipping away from her face in the wind. "Two I place for my father."

Nearly six years ago she had been left on that bridge. She needed to know if it had been intentional. "Three I place for those in my hometown."

She fell into the thick, dizzy, dreamlike state of the itako's trance. No matter how many times she had sent herself into this phase, she still didn't fully enjoy it. It made her nervous. She could feel the spirits tugging at her, trying to climb through into the human world.

"If you can hear my voice on the other side, rise."

Anna focused on the dim memory she had held for as long as she could remember- the slender blonde woman with the pretty green eyes. _My mother, _she thought. _I'm looking for my mother._

"If you can hear this rosary, come."

She waited, her breath catching in her throat, the spirits around fighting to catch a foothold and use her as a gate. But she only wanted one spirit.

Anna stayed in the trance as long as she could, her fingers mindlessly sliding the beads of the rosary. She could feel herself shaking as she fended off the spirits and searched for the one she needed.

The next thing she knew she was lying on the ground, the beads of the stolen rosary spilled around her. She stared up at the gray sky, her chest heaving. Her head pounded as if it had been split open.

"I didn't find her," she said aloud, her voice thin and wispy in her own ears.

She was an itako- well, an itako-in-training. She could summon spirits from anywhere. Heaven and hell proved no barriers. So why couldn't she summon her mother.

"Because she isn't dead," she said.

Her mother was out there, somewhere in the world, still living. She hadn't died, young and sudden, leaving a little daughter behind at the mercy of strangers. Her mother had left her on purpose.

Anna crunched the wooden rosary beads under her fingers and gazed listlessly into the sky. Her chest seized, her shoulders shook, her throat tightened.

_I'm crying, _she thought dully. She touched her eyelashes and looked at her fingertips. There weren't any tears.

* * *

_April 15, 1995_

She walked in and out of the racks of clothing, her head bowed as she sorted through the pretty party dresses. It was a useless waste of time, but she liked it- partially because it annoyed Kino that she spent so much time on what was supposed to be a simple errand, and partially because it gave her ideas for her dolls. It was a harmless hobby.

A bevy of pretty girls around her own age floated into the shop. Anna ducked into the clearance section. They didn't notice her. Instead, they headed straight to the racks of party dresses, giggling about the spring dance at their middle school.

Anna hid herself in the rack of discounted dresses and found herself hating them. They were so happy, those silly, empty-headed girls, with their tidy sailor uniforms and the ribbons in their hair. It wasn't fair. All they cared about was what dress to wear, or which boy's invitation they would accept. Anna clenched her fists. It wasn't fair.

One of the girls, a tall brunette with a sweeping ponytail, glanced to the clearance section and elbowed one of her friends. Anna turned aside, her ears burning.

"Wasn't she in our class, a long time ago?"

"Yeah! Didn't she get expelled?"

"I dunno. She was either expelled or she left."

Anna slunk away, hugging the side wall. She could feel the girls' eyes following her.

**Ooh, she's so creepy.**

_I'm not creepy, _Anna thought. _I'm just…I'm just different._

**Why doesn't she live with her parents? Didn't they want her?**

Her heart ached with a sudden fierce terror. _They know, _she thought. _How do they know? _She ducked into a rack of hanging dresses, doing her best to hide.

**She must be a demon.**

Fear and anxiety and rage seemed to cloud her vision. Her ribcage ached; her heart seemed to pound against the bones. The familiar roiling started up inside of her, and she pressed herself against the wall, knowing it was only a matter of time.

The oni burst out of her and she let out a sharp gasp. It was larger than usual, towering over her by a good two feet. She stared up at the red-eyed thing and backed away slowly.

The bells above the dress shop door jingled merrily. Anna walked faster, staring down at the ground, her shopping bag bouncing into her knee. She waited for it, and heard the shrill shriek of frightened girls and the crunch of shattering glass. It was inevitable. They couldn't see the oni, but it would certainly wreak havoc.

She didn't care anymore. They deserved it, anyway.

* * *

_July 22, 1995_

Anna knelt in the summer sun, the waterfall pounding on her slender shoulders. Errant spray stung her cheeks and lips. The heavy water thudded into her slight frame with the pressure of a mach truck, but she welcomed it.

Kino had sent her up to the mountain to meditate hours ago. She said that praying under the waterfall made a shaman's senses sharper, that they could learn to focus in even the most dire of circumstances. All Anna knew was that it was exhausting, but it allowed her to tune out everything around her. And that was fine with her.

Through the roar of the water and the dense numbness of her trance she felt a presence. She tried to open her eyes, but the waterfall forced them closed. Anna unfolded from her kneeling position, bending her stiff legs carefully, and slid cautiously off the slick rock and into the deep, chilly water. She made her way to the shore, wading through the current, and pulled herself onto the bank. The hot summer sun warmed her skin; her thin yukata clung to her arms and legs. Anna pushed her dripping hair out of her face and opened her eyes.

The brightness of the sun burned her retinas; she blinked until her eyes adjusted. A boy stood on the opposite side of the river, staring at her.

Anna wrapped her arms around herself and stared right back. _People just don't come to Mount Osore_, she thought. _Especially not kids._

He couldn't have been much older than she was, yet he didn't seem like the average ten-year-old. She rubbed her eyes. He had long dark hair and dark eyes, but that's all she could make out.

"What are you doing here?" she called.

He said nothing. He merely smiled.

The smile just made her angry. Boys didn't smile at her. "You don't belong here," she shouted. "Go away. Leave me alone."

She turned away, drawing her wet yukata tighter around her small body. And then suddenly the boy was there, standing in front of her, still smiling. "What are you doing?" she demanded, stumbling backwards.

He drew closer. His skin was warm, so warm she could feel the heat radiating. "I just thought you were interesting," he shrugged.

"Go away," she said, "leave me alone."

She ran towards the worn path that led down the mountainside, her bare feet pounding against the dirt and stones. The pinwheels clacked as she ran past, the blades spinning merrily in the hot wind.

_Turn, turn, turn. Go around, go around, go around. _She hated the pinwheels. If they hadn't been so important, she would have ripped them from the ground.

She slipped and skidded down the mountainside, fleeing to the safety of the inn. When she reached the back door, she flung it open and fled inside.

"Anna?" Kino called. "Is that you?"

She forced herself to answer normally. "I'm back," she called, her heart still leaping into her throat. "I'm going to get changed."

"Anna, I need you to-"

She ran up the stairs to her room, leaving muddy footprints on the floor. Anna slammed her bedroom door shut and ripped her wet yukata off. She dressed quickly, her fingers trembling. She sank onto her bed.

_I couldn't hear him_, she realized, her chest heaving. _I couldn't hear him at all._

* * *

_November 30, 1995_

Anna touched the keys of the piano gently, playing a useless, pretty melody. She half expected Kino to charge into the room, demanding her to meditate or practice or research. The old woman had been insistent as of late, even telling her to put aside her schoolwork in favor of her itako studies. Anna sighed and dropped her fingers on the keys.

Something was up with Kino. The old woman had been secretive lately, her thoughts silent. She learned to keep her thoughts to herself, barring them from Anna. Usually Anna didn't mind, but she wanted to know what Kino had up her sleeve.

She slid off the bench and walked quietly down the hall. The entire inn was silent- nothing new, but it still made her feel uneasy. She passed by the front office, and saw the red light blinking on the telephone. Somewhere in the depths of the inn, Kino was using an extension.

Anna frowned. Kino rarely talked on the phone to anyone, except for occasional calls to her daughter in Izumo. Anna crept closer to the phone, sat down in the broad office chair, and hit the speakerphone button.

"-I still think it's too soon," Kino's daughter said. Anna settled into the chair. She liked the sound of the young woman's voice- soft and motherly. "They're so young, Mother. I don't see why we can't wait."

"There's no time," Kino said sharply. "The shaman fight is going to start in just a few years. I'm not happy with Yohmei's reports of his progress. It takes powerful furyoku to awaken powerful furyoku. Anna's gifts are strong. She could do great things in the boy."

Anna tucked her legs underneath her as she listened to the conversation. _What boy are they talking about? _she thought. _Kino's grandson? What does he have to do with me?_

"It's not even an official engagement yet," Kino continued. "It's more of a trial run. If things don't work out, they won't work out. There's always that other little girl, Mikihisa's pupil. She might be suitable." Anna heard the old woman sigh through the phone. "But still, there's something special about Anna. She's a bit of damaged goods, but her skills are stronger than anything I've ever seen before. She would make an excellent wife for Yoh."

Anna froze. She didn't hear the rest of the conversation, she just curled up in the office chair. _I have to marry Kino's grandson? _she thought. _I have to be some stranger's wife just because I'm a freak?_

From far away she heard the click of the receiver. Anna shook herself out of her thoughts, hit the speakerphone button, and slipped out of the office- only to run into Kino.

"I take it you were listening in?" the old woman said grimly. Anna moved to brush past her, but Kino caught her by the wrist. "It's best I told you the whole story."

"I already know it," Anna said, shaking her hand free. "You're marrying me off to your grandson."

Kino cupped her chin in her hands. "Listen to me, child," she said, more gentle than usual. "You have been given such great gifts, but to the outside world, you are cursed. Use your gifts. Help my grandson in his fight to become the shaman king."

"Why can't I fight?" Anna asked. "Why can't I do it on my own?"

"An itako is a summoner, not a warrior," Kino explained. "You cannot integrate a spirit or maintain an oversoul." She stroked an errant strand of golden hair away from Anna's face; she flinched. "You are a rarity- an itako with true powers. Marry my grandson. Use your skills and your knowledge to train him."

But Kino's thoughts belied her kind words.

**Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps Anna is too volatile, too dangerous for Yoh. If she cannot control herself, Hao will be able to conquer her easily.**

Anna pulled away and ran down the hallway. Kino didn't bother to stop her.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Oh, look, another update!

This one was slightly difficult to write, but Yoh is TOTALLY GOING TO APPEAR IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. You had better be excited. So send me lots of excited reviews, all right? All right.

The thing with the dolls is inspired by a panel from volume 19, which shows Anna lying in her bed, surrounded by dolls. I decided to write that into this story; I hope it makes sense.

OH MAH GAH YOH IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. So excited, everybody. So excited.

In any case, onto the review responses!

**zaza98able: **Kino is a difficult character to write. She can either be a kind old woman who generously took in an abandoned child, or she can be an evil witch using Anna's powers for her own use. I tried my best to balance it.

**caramel: **I put in Keiko's reaction for you! Also, kudos for picking up on the fact that Awaya was Awaya Ringo! It just seemed to make sense that Anna had met her before. Besides, I needed to explain why Anna likes music so much.

**xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx: **(whoo, your name is hard to type!) I actually wrote Anna's run-in with child-Hao into this chapter because of your suggestion! So thank you for that! And I'm following the manga as closely as I can, so if it happens in the manga, it'll happen here.

**yehey: **YOH IS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER SO I HOPE YOU'RE EXCITED!

**cm21: **It really was hard to write about Anna's parents. I'm glad that the emotions came through and affected you too!

**the terrorist: **Thank you! That's one of the nicest compliments I've gotten in a while. And I hope that Anna's reaction was in character; I wrote it rather late at night and it may have been a little mumbled...

Don't forget to tell me what you think of this story, and what you're looking forward to seeing! I love reviews! They're like crack. Keitorin-crack.

**Next chapter: **Yoh arrives in Aomori, and Anna meets her future husband for the first time.


	7. Knife Going In

Special thanks to carameL, xxandlovesaidno, xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx, Reddragon13x, yehey, the terrorist, JessicaArgueta12, and zaza98able for reviewing!

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

This chapter is based on chapers 164-166 in the manga.

* * *

I feel the knife going in,

I'm feeling anxious.

Not enough to kill me, I thought it'd happen fast.

But I'm feeling it now and I feel anxious.

Sleeping inches from me, I let it pass.

-_"Knife Going In" by Teagan & Sara_

_December 30, 1995_

Anna trudged down the streets in Aomori. _Stupid Kino_, she thought. _Stupid candles. _She sighed. _Stupid me._

Kino had caught her snitching candles and had promptly sent her out to the village with a shopping list. _She knows I hate it, _she thought glumly. _So why torture me like this?_

The old woman still didn't know about the demons that appeared when she went out in public. Anna preferred to keep it that way. Better to keep her own secrets and deal with her own problems.

Her shoes clacked on the pavement and the winter breeze lifted her hair off her neck. The village bustled with people preparing for the new year and the upcoming festival. She blended quietly into the crowd.

People rarely noticed her anymore. That was fine. She was used to being ignored. It made things easier, actually. The less she was noticed, the less likely it was for an oni to appear.

Of course, just because they didn't pay attention to her didn't mean she didn't hear them. She was ten years old now, and her curse- what Kino called the gift of reishii- had strengthened. Not only did she hear the thoughts of those around her, but she saw them too. She could see the stories behind them, and they were ugly.

She walked down the sidewalk, huddling in the warmth of her coat and oversized scarf. Her steps slowed. She liked wasting as much time as she could, testing the limits of her strength. It was almost a sort of game to see how long she could go without the appearance of a demon. She had yet to win.

She passed by a small café, ignoring the delicious scent of hot noodles. Her small allowance didn't really permit spending on food, and besides, she needed to get her errands done.

A boy about her own age burst out of the café. "Hey, wait, Matamune!" he hollered. Despite the cold of the day, he only wore a short-sleeved tee shirt and no coat. His dark hair was pulled away from his face into a ponytail, and a pair of orange headphones bounced on his neck. "Matamune!"

He skidded down the sidewalk and halted mere feet away from her. She stared at him coolly. He stared back, his breath puffing into clouds in the cold air and a slight blush rising on his cheekbones.

**I almost ran into her. Oops.**

She frowned, her lips thinning. "You're in my way," she said. Her eyes narrowed. "Die."

Anna brushed past him. He froze where he was, staring wide-eyed into space. His thoughts rattled into her head.

"**You're in the way, die?" Is that any way to talk to a total stranger?**

His thoughts filtered into hers, and she caught glimpses into his life. He had traveled there from Izumo. And with a cat, it looked like. He had a family back home, a mother and a grandfather. Lucky.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" he called.

She paused and glanced over her shoulder at him. He looked upset, but the blush spread across his cheeks and he faltered. "Err…" he stammered.

"Don't talk to me like you know me, or I'll kill you," she snapped. His soft dark eyes were unsettling; she didn't want to keep looking at him.

And then she realized why.

The longer he looked at her, the more she knew about him. She saw an old man- the boys' grandfather- addressing him. He called the boy Yoh. He was sending Yoh to Aomori to meet his fiancée.

_So this is the boy I'm supposed to marry, _she thought, her heart thudding against her ribcage.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, his cheeks pink in a combination of cold and embarrassment.

**She's so cute. I've never seen another girl like her before. But why is she so mad at me?**

She bristled. "Pathetic," she said sharply. She turned to walk away. "Yoh Asakura. To think that someone like you would be my future husband."

At the sound of his name, the boy turned and fled. She stormed down the street, running his thoughts over in her head. _I can't believe he thinks I'm cute, _she fumed. _No one gave him that right. _

Her shopping bag bumped against her knee as she stomped away and ducked into a side alleyway. She realized her breathing had quickened, and she did her best to calm down.

_I've met my husband, _she thought. _I'm ten years old, and I've met my husband._

He was actually nice looking. He was nothing like the boys she had briefly met in school, or like any of the boys in the village. She wondered if he was as nice as he looked.

She crept out of the alley and circled back to where she had met him. He was long gone, just as she had suspected, but she followed the maze of streets to where she thought he might have gone.

It didn't take long to find him. He had gotten his coat and bag from the café and was making his way to the northern part of town, towards the river. She followed him quietly. _Stupid_, she thought. _He doesn't even notice anything._

He strolled down to the riverside and plunked down on the snowy bank, watching the chilly water flow by. She ducked behind a piling on the bridge and watched him.

"That freaked me out," he said out loud, his breath puffing into the cold air. "She called my name and I freaked out and ran away." He sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "But it doesn't make any sense. Why would she threaten to kill me?"

_You were in my way, _she thought, frowning. _You startled me. _She set her shopping back beside her shoes and peeked around the piling.

He sighed deeply, staring out over the churning water of the river. "So that was my fiancée," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe she saw a picture of me. Maybe that's how she knew who I was."

He set his chin on his folded arms. She leaned a little closer.

**Well, she **_**is **_**kind of cute.**

She scowled as a blush rose up on his cheeks. Anna glowered in his direction. He shivered, as if he could hear her death threats in his head.

He stood up, brushing the snow off his pants, and made his way back towards the bridge. She hid out of his line of sight, but followed him as closely as she dared.

"I'm so clueless," he sighed, kicking at a rock. "Are all girls like that? I don't talk to any of the girls at school."

He trudged down the streets, frowning. Anna followed him. _Why isn't he going towards the inn? _she wondered. _I thought he was going to see his grandmother._

He shuffled away, his hands in his coat pockets, his headphones bouncing on his neck. She found herself fuming inwardly. _How can he be so relaxed? _she thought. _He acts like it's no big deal. He doesn't know anything. What a child._

"And now I'm totally lost, aren't I?" he sighed as he walked down the street.

Anna felt the familiar pull of a demon forcing itself out of her. It stalked away and followed the boy. Her heart pounded in her chest.

He turned around and his dark eyes widened. The demon stared him down. The boy rubbed his eyes in disbelief. "You die," it panted, its hot breath blaring into the air.

Anna followed as the boy took off running, the oni at his heels. "Another death threat!" he screeched.

_He's doomed_, she thought.

"What the heck is that thing?" he yelped. "I've never seen a ghost like this!"

_Stupid, don't shout about it, _she thought. _The humans will hear you._

He was far ahead of her by then, and she could see him trying to fight back. He summoned leaf sprites in droves, but the oni merely batted them away. None of the people strolling down the street seemed to notice him. Of course they couldn't see the oni, but surely they would notice a ten-year-old boy shrieking and swatting at an invisible enemy.

_Definitely doomed_, she thought to herself. Her shopping bag bounced against her knees as she walked down the street.

Suddenly a small cat spirit appeared at the boy's side. She crept closer and hid behind a building about a block away- close enough to hear their conversation, but far enough away that they wouldn't be aware of her.

"What is that thing?" the boy screeched.

"A demon," the cat spirit said shortly. "They show up, now and then. They are lost souls, filled with frustration, resentment, and regret. These feelings fester and grow more terrible with time, and when the hatred can no longer be contained, they take material form and strike out."

Anna leaned her back against the rough brick wall of the building and stared up into the steel gray sky. _So that's what it is, _she thought.

On one hand, it was a relief to hear that there was an explanation behind the demons, but at the same time, it scared her. _Am I really that angry? _she thought, her heart thunking against her ribcage like a heavy drumbeat.

The little cat struck down the demon; it dissolved into a cloud of red dust and vanished. The boy plunked to the ground, breathing hard. He seemed to still be in one piece.

"Can you stand, young master?" the cat asked. The boy nodded, dazed. "Very good. Come, Kino is waiting for us."

The cat looked towards her hiding place. There was a curious light in the cat's eyes, but she stared back as boldly as she could manage.

"Your fiancée awaits," the cat said to the boy, even though he was still looking towards her.

Anna turned away, her back to the wall. She stared down at the dirty sidewalk. "He felt my presence even though I was hiding," she said softly, her voice oddly loud in her own ears. Her stomach twisted at the thought of the cat's deep, condescending gaze. She looked up blankly. "Curse that split-tailed cat."

She hid behind the storefront for a while. As much as she hated being in the village, she dreaded going back to the inn. She would have to talk to Kino, she would have to face the cat. And of course, the boy would be there.

She walked slowly down the street, the bag full of boxed candles bumping against her leg. _It's a miracle the oni didn't kill him, _she thought. _He's lucky that cat showed up when he did._

She wondered what would have happened if the oni had succeeded. So far, no one in Aomori had ever been killed by one of her demons- but then again, humans couldn't exactly be touched. A boy with shaman powers…that was a different story.

_He could have died, you know_, her subconscious reminded her rebelliously. _And it would have been your fault._

She struggled with the sudden feeling of guilt. _Nothing happened, _she reassured herself. _He's fine. And even if something did, it wouldn't have been your fault._

The inn loomed up in front of her. She wished fervently that she could run away and avoid all this, but she had no other option. Her entire body felt strange- her chest felt tight, her throat seemed closed up, and her eyes stung. She didn't know what to make of it.

Anna dragged herself to the side door and slid it open. Evidently the boy had beaten her home; his shoes lay neatly on the floor. She kicked hers off, not caring where they landed.

She walked to the guest lounge, her small feet making next to no noise on the wooden floor. "Well, speak of the devil," she heard Kino say. "Here she is now."  
_Kino's been talking about me_, she thought unhappily. _Probably telling him all sorts of awful things._

For some reason, that made her more upset. She slid the door open and stuck the shopping back through the crack. There was enough space to see into the room- Kino as implacable as always behind her dark glasses, the cat's smug face, and the boy looking partially shocked and partially scared.

Words failed her. "Here," she said, her voice cracking. She dropped the shopping bag and slammed the door shut.

It didn't mean she couldn't hear them, though. "What kind of greeting was that?" the boy demanded.

"It seems you've been snubbed, Yoh," the cat said mildly.

"No kidding!" the boy said. He sounded angry. "It _was _her. I didn't get a look at her face, but-"

She heard the boy skidding across the floor, as if he was chasing after her. Swiftly she ducked into the hallway, but she heard Kino rebuke him. "It won't do any good to yell at her," the old woman said sharply.

"I came all the way to see her, and she threatened to kill me," the boy protested. "What am I supposed to do?" She heard his heavy footsteps as he stomped back to the warmth of the kotatsu. "I know you wouldn't have chosen her if she didn't have a lot of talent, but you've spoiled her. Her manners stink."

Anna stood up straighter, leaning against the wall. _He doesn't know anything_, she thought bitterly.

"Young fool," Kino reproached. "Words mean nothing to Anna."

She fled then, running pell-mell up the stairs to the safety of her own bedroom. As soon as she was inside she slammed the door and locked it securely. She flicked on the light, her fingers shaking.

"Calm down," she said aloud, her voice sounding thin and tremulous in her own ears.

Her fingers still shaking, she ripped the scarf from her shoulders and shrugged out of her coat. Her bedroom was cold; it felt like a knife going through her skin. She sat down in the middle of her bed and hunched over.

_What's wrong with me? _she thought. _Why can't I just let go of this?_

She stayed like that for a while, still sinking into the feelings that had held her captive since she began her walk home. It was an old game- encouraging the tightness of her chest, the constriction of her throat, the heaving of her shoulders, the burning behind her eyes.

She was trying to cry.

But just like every time she conducted this little experiment of hers, she was left with just a headache and no tears. She stood up slowly and let herself out of her room. Between the cold and the ache in her body, all she wanted was a hot bath.

She made her way down the dark, silent halls, looking forward to the rush of hot water and the clean stinging scent of soap. That would make her feel better.

But as she approached the bathroom, she heard voices- the boy's tenor, the cat's soft rumble. She froze outside the door and ran back to her room.

She could feel their thoughts still singing into her as she fled. The cat was older and wiser than she gave him credit; his perception of her went beyond merely sensing her presence. The boy was confused, and hurt…and in love. His thoughts cut into her cleanly, and it hurt.

**Why doesn't she like me? Does she not want to get married, or is there something about me she doesn't like? **

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she sank down to her bed. His thoughts continued to cut into hers.

**And why did that demon try to kill me? Did it have something to do with her?**

She laid down on her cold bed, her hair fanning out across her pillow. Her head pounded as his thoughts ran through her mind.

_It's not you, _she wanted to say. _It's not your fault. It's…it's mine._

She remembered what Kino had called her during the telephone call to her daughter: "a piece of damaged goods."

_Damaged. That's me. I'm damaged._

She stared blankly at the dark wall. Her dolls stood as sentinels, their faces sweet but vacant. They offered no comfort.

As she huddled there, shivering, she prayed that the gift would leave her, that she could wake up the next morning with her mind silent of all thoughts save her own.

Usually that offered some kind of solace, but tonight there was no peace. She stayed awake, cold and unsettled, as a terrible thought continued its painful course through her consciousness.

_If he marries me, I'll ruin him. I have to tell him to leave._

And although it was sensible, although it was a good idea, it still felt as painful as a knife plunged through her heart. She didn't sleep at all that night.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

OH HAI THERE YOH.

I'm so excited! Things are happening! Yoh is completely adorbs!

I've already written the next chapter for this bad boy, but I'm off to be a counselor at church camp for the week (fun fact: I teach a middle school Sunday school class) so there shan't be a new update until about Friday or Saturday. But hey, at least there _will _be one, right?

Quick question: I base each chapter on a song; does anyone actually listen to them? Or better yet, do you listen to it while reading the chapters? Inquiring minds want to know...

And now, on to reader responses!

**carameL: **Hao has his reasons. :P It seemed like a very Hao-ish thing to do, checking out the girl that the Asakuras hope to use against him. And you're welcome about Keiko. She's a very interesting character, and I wish she had appeared more in the series.

**xxandlovesaidno: **Yup, that was him! And I hope you enjoy this update.

**xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx: **AND HERE IS YOH! XD

**Reddragon13x: **The use of the pinwheels isn't exactly stated, but they're all over the mountain, so I'm guessing they're considered special. In my head, I imagine that they're used to see where the spirits are moving.

**yehey: **Gah, I had trouble making it feel like Anna truly hates people. But I figured out how to develop it. It involves a great deal of denial. So...hopefully it'll develop better.

**the terrorist: **Thanks for picking up on so many of the little subtleties! I try to make my stories complexish. And seeing as how Anna is a little bucket of complexity and angst, she makes my job easier. :P I really love the character of Keiko Asakura; I've written an AU multichapter (that has the king of all sucky endings) and a oneshot about her. I might go through and write some form of prequel involving her...

**JessicaAgueta12: **Yay! Thank you!

**zaza98able: **Your reviews crack me up. They're like a page's worth of a run on sentence, and I love them. :P And I hope you really like this chapter because ZOMGYOH.

**Next chapter: **Anna tries to send Yoh away.


	8. Change Your Mind

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

Why aren't you shaking?  
Step back in time  
Graciously taking  
Oh, you're too kind  
And if the answer is no  
Can I change your mind?

-_"Change Your Mind" by the Killers_

_December 31, 1995_

Pale winter sunlight had been streaming through her window for a few hours by the time she forced herself to get up. Her head felt thick and fuzzy from lack of sleep, but there was no way she could rest. Her mind had been too awake and her thoughts too restless.

_You know what you have to do_, she told herself severely. _Your mind has to be made up._

It took another hour of wasting time- tidying her room, rearranging her dolls, packing away her sewing supplies- before she could work up the courage to go downstairs. But finally she snuck out of her room, the door creaking loudly in the silent, vacant inn.

She peeked into the kitchen and frowned. Kino sat alone, sipping a cup of tea. "There you are, child," the old woman said. "I was beginning to wonder if you would ever come out."

"Where is he?" Anna asked.

"You mean Yoh?" Kino said. "He went into town. He wanted to find gifts for his family in Izumo. Such a thoughtful boy."

Anna dug her ragged fingernails into the doorframe. _There's no way I can go into the village again_, she thought. _I went yesterday. Isn't that enough torture?_

"He waited for you," Kino said mildly. "He wanted you to go with him, but I told him to let you sleep." The old woman set her teacup down on the table. "Anna, he truly does seem to like you. Why don't you pay him a little attention, eh?"

Anna spun around and stormed back up to her bedroom. She grabbed her coat and scarf and pulled them on. _I'll show him_, she thought bitterly. _That'll make him leave. He'll have to leave me alone._

She slid into her shoes and let herself out the side door, only to find the cat spirit waiting for her.

"Ah," it said. "Anna."

"Leave me alone," she said sharply, twining her scarf around her neck.

"Going in search of Yoh, are you?" he asked.

"It's my business," she said. "Not yours, cat."

The cat didn't seem to be fazed. "Kino has told me about your gift," he said.

"Leave me alone," she repeated, her voice rising, and she ran down the street towards the village.

It was freezing outside. She pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as she wove in and out of the busy sidewalks. The people seemed more cheerful than usual; the streets were busy and noisy. She peeked into each shop, looking for the boy.

He was easier to spot than she had expected. He was in the corner of a souvenir shop, poking through the various knickknacks and talking to himself. "Souvenirs have to be chosen carefully," he mumbled. "Plus, Grandpa's really picky. What would he like?"

Anna frowned as he paused in front of a display of picks in the shape of naked women. He flushed.

**Ponchi and Konchi might like those. They're dirty old men at heart.**

_What on earth is he talking about? _she thought. Without catching herself she blurted out, "What are you thinking about, you pervert?"

He leaped back, nearly dropping the cup. "What?" he shrieked. "I mean- nothing!"

"Who would like those naked girls?" she accused, her eyes flashing. "They're disgusting."

He stared at her, mouth agape, as he slid the cup back onto the shelf. Then he took off running. "No, I didn't-"

He halted. She waited patiently for his realization. "What? Wait, I didn't say that out loud!"

"That's what I asked what you were _thinking_," she said, slightly annoyed. "So who are they?"

His eyes widened until she thought they might pop out of the sockets. His thoughts seeped into hers and she saw things clearly. "Oh, I see," she said, half to herself. "They're animal spirits that guard your house. But they do look disgusting. Especially the raccoon dog. I'd like to slap his face."

The boy tensed up. "How did you know?" he asked. He took a step towards her. "And how did you know who I was if you'd never seen me before? And why didn't you speak to me when you got home yesterday?"

His dark eyes flashed. _He's getting angry, _Anna though glumly.

"And the demon!" he said. He lunged, grabbing her by the shoulders. She flinched, too startled to move. "What's going on? Who are you?"

His face was inches from hers, his dark brown eyes sparking. "Did you send that demon after me?" he demanded.

The only thing she was aware of was his hands on her shoulders. He gripped her tightly, his fingers closing easily over her. She panicked, and without thinking she drew back and slapped him across the face. He tumbled backwards onto the floor.

"I told you," she said, her voice quiet and fierce. "Don't talk to me like you know me."

He hunched on the floor, tears smarting in the corner of his eyes. "Ow!" he yelped, scrambling to his feet with his hand pressed against the red mark on his cheek. "What was that for? Didn't you come here to talk to me?"

Something was stinging her eyes; she resisted the urge to rub them. "Don't get close to me," she warned him. "It'll only bring you grief."

"What?" he sputtered.

She turned her back on him. "I came to say goodbye," she said quietly. It was easier if she didn't look at him, but she could still see his thoughts clearly. She saw him with his pretty dark-haired mother, with his blustering yet proud grandfather, with a little girl with a sweet face who seemed to worship the ground he walked on. That hurt the most.

"There are other girls out there. Pick yourself out a nice one," she said bitterly. "If you want to be happy, go home to Izumo. Goodybe."

She started to leave the shop; the bells above the door chimed discordantly. She paused. "But thanks anyway," she whispered.

Anna walked back onto the street, the cold air whipping her hair and stinging her face. The bells jingled and the door slammed, and the boy ran after her. "Wait! Wait a minute," he protested. "I don't get this. It doesn't make any sense!"

She kept walking. He kept running, hounding at her heels. "Help me understand," he said. "Who are you?"

She paused, struggling to find an explanation. "I..I'm…" she whispered.

_I'm a freak._

_ I destroy everything around me if I don't keep myself._

_ I'm the person everyone finds easy to dislike._

_ I'm so unlovable that even my parents didn't want me._

She felt the sharp popping of shikigamis materializing around her, preparing to take their form. _Just as well, _she thought unhappily, and she made no effort to stop them.

"What are those?" the boy breathed.

The shikigamis formed an oni, taller and broader than any she had created before. She heard the boy step backwards and trip over his own shoes, falling hard on the pavement.

"I told you to go home," she said.

**I don't understand.**

The boy didn't move. It was as if he was frozen the ground.

**I'm scared!**

He scrambled to his feet, yelling in terror as the oni lunged for him. She heard the lightning sound of glass windowpanes shattering, but she didn't bother to turn around. _This won't last long, _she thought. _He'll run away and go home. _It didn't make her feel better.

"Help me!" he shouted.

"It's always like this," she said.

**Why isn't she doing anything? Isn't she scared too?**

"Whenever I go outside, demons appear," she explained tersely. "They do bad things and then they disappear. That's why I stay in my room."

"What? You mean you're not doing this?" he hollered.

More glass shattered. Even from her distance, she felt tiny shards shower into her hair. "If you're not doing it, where are the demons coming from?" he demanded.

The store owner bolted from the shop and started yelling at him. _Of course the old man's angry, _she thought. _He can't see the oni._

This wasn't going to end well. The oni would continue its rampage until she removed herself. In the meantime, the boy would get in trouble with the shopkeeper, and he'd be so angry with her he'd go home immediately and leave her alone.

_That'll work, _she thought, and found herself unexpectedly disappointed.

A voice cut through her thoughts. "Hey! That's a real sword, boy!" the shopkeeper warned, shouting over the crash of shattering glass.

She couldn't help herself. She turned around, only to see the boy standing in front of the oni, brandishing a katana. _A sword? You've got to be kidding me, _she thought. _Yoh Asakura…you would dare fight a demon? Aren't you afraid?_

Her chest tightened. The boy was nothing compared to the demon. The oni could destroy him in the blink of an eye if it wanted to. And she knew it did. _Why don't you run? _she thought.

"Anna!" he shouted. "Run!"

She took a step back, surprised. "What did you-"

"I'll take care of the demon," he shouted, gripping the sword handle so tightly she could his knuckles turning white. "Run back to Grandma's house and get Matamune!"

She looked down, her breath coming fast and her mind racing. _That sword won't do any good_, she thought. _Only another demon can destroy a demon. Run away!_

She tried to talk, to tell him to go, but her throat was dry as paper. "R...run," she whispered, the words barely making a sound.

_Run away, Yoh Asakura! _

The oni raised its massive arm to strike. Her heart stopped beating. "Get out of its way, Yoh!" she screamed, high-pitched and panicked.

Yoh looked at her, distracted. She braced herself for the oni's final blow, but it was gone.

She glanced around wildly. It had vanished. Completely.

Yoh slumped to the ground, breathing hard, the sword falling beside him. Anna stood frozen in the middle of the street. Curious villagers milled around, buzzing about the broken glass and helping up the old shopkeeper.

She backed away slowly, blending into the crowd, and when she was far enough away she turned and walked as fast as she could back towards the inn. Her heart raced. All she wanted to do was go home and hide.

She heard the steady rhythm of running footsteps behind her. She didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

**Author's Notes:**

I know I know I know I know I know...you are all mad with the lack of updates. Well, I have an excellent reason: my laptop, my beautiful shiny blue Spock, is no more. I'm pretty mad- he was only a year old! But P and I have been discussing things, and we're going to sell both laptops and buy a desktop for the family and a netbook for me. And ergo, dear friends, I'm writing this on my brand new little netbook. His name is Wilbur Robinson, and he's darling.

Hopefully updates will come faster. Just bear with me! And don't be afraid to leave comments. I love those bad boys

**JessicaArgueta12: **Hao may very well pop in again. I'm not entirely sure. But I am sure that the story will go all the way to Funbari no Uta.

**carameL: **I'm glad this story makes you smile. :)

**Reddragon13x: **I tend to paraphrase the manga so that it flows smoothly. I used to compare the Viz translation to the OneManga translation...but now it's gone. Sad day.

**A Nightmare You Love: **I hope you like the song that goes along with this one. And thanks for the lovely comments!

**yehey: **Now that Yoh's here, I hope you enjoyed his adorableness in this chapter.

**the terrorist: **I really appreciate how you pick up on all sorts of little things in my writing! It makes me feel loved. :)

**zaza98able: **I'm glad I'm stretching your musical horizons! I listen to all sorts of things while I write...my taste in music is a bit...um...eclectic.

**cm21: **YAAAAAY FOR YOOOOH!

**Emumoon: **Yoh is still not quite a focal character...but I hope you enjoy seeing more of him!

**majrocks: **Ozoresan Revoir is my favorite part of the manga too. I wore out my copies of 19 and 20!

Hopefully the next chapter will move a little faster...I hope people are still interested in this!


	9. Masochist

Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not me.

She says, "You're a masochist for falling for me,

So roll up your sleeves."

And I think that I like her, 'cause she tells me things I don't want to hear,

Medicinal tongue in my ear.

When will it stop? When will it stop?

_-"Masochist" by Ingrid Michaelson_

_December 31, 1995_

She huddled in front of the television, hoping no one would overhear. All she wanted was to watch the New Year's music special in peace and quiet. And hopefully that boy would leave her alone.

The door creaked open. She bit her lip. _Please, not that boy. Please, not that boy. Please let it be Kino and not that boy._

**Well, there's that girl.**

She sat up straighter as he approached. He plunked ungracefully to the floor beside her. She folded her hands primly on her lap.

**I never would have guessed that she would watch the music special. At least now I don't have to ask her to change the channels. I bet that wouldn't have ended well.**

She plucked the skirt of her yukata. The boy slouched beside her, his elbows resting on his bent knees. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He didn't seem to be paying attention to the chirpy announcer on the television. Instead, he looked…upset.

**She hasn't spoken to me yet. Should I try to talk to her? No, no, I should wait for her.**

He sighed deeply. She dug her nails through the fabric of her yukata and into her knees. _Maybe I should talk to him, _she thought.

**I wonder if she'll ever talk to me. I wonder if I can get her to explain anything.**

She took a deep breath. _I need to say something, at least_, she thought.

The door slid open. She flexed her hands as Kino and Matamune entered. There was no need to turn around and see if they were surprised.

**Well, now. Maybe the children are getting along after all.**

_I wouldn't really call this getting along, _she thought. _We're just watching TV in the same place, after all. _

The cat spirit seemed more surprised than Kino. "Yoh-" he started to say.

**The New Year's Eve music show? What in the world-**

Kino lifted the little cat by the scruff of his neck. "Now, then," she said. "Shall we take a nice hot bath, Matamune?"

**Oh. She wants me to leave the children alone to get to know each other. All right, then.**

The two of them chatted as they left the room as abruptly as they entered. The boy seemed to slump further down, averting his eyes from hers. She stared at her knees and forced herself to say something, anything.

"I just want," she said slowly, her voice strained and raspy in her own ears, "to see Ringo Awaya."

"I just want to see Bob," he said. He still didn't look at her. Silence fell hard between them again.

**Should I say something? I don't know what else I can say.**

"I'm surprised she was invited to sing at all," she offered.

"I could say the same for Bob," he said glumly.

The large afro-haired singer belted out his number over a bouncy techno beat, backed up by slender girls in jumpsuits and sunglasses. She watched them idly as Bob sang a tripe-loaded song about love and how he was the best. The audience applauded him heartily. "Weird song," she commented.

"Hers is weirder," Yoh retorted, hurt at the slight against his idol.

Ringo Awaya's song was entirely different- a strong raspy wail over the strumming of koto strings. "I'm not crying because you're leaving me," she sang, "it's just I never wanna see your face."

"She's kind of scary," Yoh commented.

"She only looks scary," she corrected. He finally looked at her, slightly confused. "She dresses like that and acts tough to hide her vulnerability. It's actually a song of deep compassion."

He smiled down at the floor. "Well, that's how you are too," he said. "Right?"

She spun to stare at him so fast she nearly got whiplash. Her ribcage suddenly seemed to have restricted too tightly to breathe. "I can kinda tell," he said. "A lot has happened since I got here. And I know you've had a hard life."

If she could have, she would have run. But for some reason it felt as if she had been bolted to the floor. She could only stare at him, eyes wide.

"You can read people's thoughts, right?" he said, looking up at her, smiling that gentle boyish smile at her.

She dropped her gaze to the ground. "Nothing good ever happens to me. What else do you need to know?" she asked blankly. "You should go."

"I'm not going home."

She glared at him, her teeth clenching. He slumped again, staring at the floor, his long eyelashes sweeping his cheeks. "How can I live easy while you suffer?" he said.

She turned sharply, sitting up as primly as she could manage. "Don't patronize me," she said.

"I'm not. I want to help you because it'll make me feel better," he shrugged.

"But that is patronizing!" she argued, whipping around. "I don't care whether you can live easily. I can't stand people! I don't want to get involved with anybody! Why won't you take a hint?"

He popped up as if she had slapped him again instead of yelled. Then he hunched over. "Well…you know…" he hedged, blushing.

**I'm pretty sure I love her.**

"It really sucks that you can read minds," he mumbled.

In a flash she was on her feet, all sorts of sharp comebacks popping up in her mind. "Weirdo!" she shrieked, and she slapped him so hard across the face he toppled over. She bolted down the hallway, threw herself into a vacant room, and slammed the sliding door so hard behind her she got splinters in her fingers. _Weirdo, really? That's all I could come up with?_

She pressed her back against the closed doors, her breath coming in gasps. _The hand I slapped him with feels so hot!_

"Hey, Anna."

Her hands froze on the handle of the door. _He followed me? Why did he follow me?_

"We could watch them ring out the old year on TV," he offered. "And then…you wanna go with me to the temple at midnight?"  
The thought of the temple made her fingers clench. She had been there once, as a child, and while it was quiet and peaceful on a summer afternoon, it was New Year's. Everyone in the village would be there. Everyone with their thoughts and prayers and wishes and-

"The crowds might be hard on you, but it's the best time of the year to make a wish," he explained. "You make your wish at the altar, but you're not really relying on the gods. You're making a resolution. You just say your goals for the upcoming year. It's like making a promise to yourself." He paused, as if he was searching for the right words to say. "Don't you want to do something about your power?"

Her eyes burned and she screwed up her mouth. "But…I…" she stammered.

"It'll work out," he said quietly. "If the crowds bother you and a demon appears, we'll run away together. And if our wishes don't make your power more bearable, that's okay too."

She bit her lip. _What could he possibly promise in order to make this better? _she thought.

"I'll become the Shaman King and fix it for you."

All the breath seemed to leave her body. She stared into the darkness of the closed-off room, his words echoing in her ears. _He would do that for me?_

"This is kind of embarrassing," he said, half-laughing. "I'm glad there's a wall between us."

Her eyes continued to burn, as if something hot and searing was trying to escape. She barely heard him; her thoughts made her feel dizzy.

"I'm gonna watch TV now," he said. "Don't go to bed, okay? I'll be waiting up for you."

It took her a long time to force an answer. "Okay," she whispered in a small voice as tears that hadn't fallen in a long time trickled down her cheeks.

**Author's Note:**

Short but sweet. I love this part of the manga; they're both just so small and adorable and anguished. I hope I conveyed all of the emotions properly.

Also, this song is about twelve kinds of perfect. Ingrid Michaelson is a fantastic singer, too.

I meant to update this last week, but I left on a trip to Disney World and forgot. At least it was fun hanging around my old workplace! (Fun fact: I was a cast member for four years, as a campus representative of the Disney College Program and as a Disney-MGM/Hollywood Studios cast member at the Great Movie Ride, the Pixar Block Party Bash, the High School Musical pep rally, Beauty and the Beast, and Fantasmic!.)

And since I don't have too much to say today, on to the reader responses!

**cm21: **I love the Ozoresan arc too; it's so well-written and provides such brilliant backstory. I also tracked down the radio drama at one point. If you can find it, it's absolutely amazing!

**hp-animation: **Huh. I might have to write a oneshot based on that...

**Reddragon13x: **The loss of OneManga is devastating! I was counting on it to write this...

**xXxGothicButterflySpiritxXx: **This update wasn't terribly fast, but at least it's here! And I have the next two chapters completed...

**A Nightmare You Love: **I find it both fun and challenging to write Yoh and Anna as children. No one really does that, so I don't have any sources of inspiration, and even in typical fanfiction they're usually written as very flat: Anna yells at Yoh, Yoh fusses over being sent grocery shopping, he gets over it because he loves her, he returns home and catches her in a vulnerable moment, then someone makes dinner. I hope that this story kind of delves further into the more interesting aspects of their personalities.

**zaza98able: **I don't know if I can work in another non-canon Hao appearance, but he'll definitely appear when I reach that part of the manga. That's going to be interesting...

**the terrorist: **Anna is soooo deep in denial...about many things, poor kiddo. And I totally agree that the series could have used more YohxAnna. I'm not going to lie, when I got my new Shonen Jump issues in high school I would flip through the SK chapters for any glimpses of shipping! Now I'm writing this as an excuse to insert more shipping...I guess I'm ridiculous like that. Also, thanks for saying that I keep them in character! It's easier than it was in the beginning of my fic-writing days (back in good old 2003!) but it's still difficult in situations like this. And I'm glad you like the review replies! In the old days a lot of people did that, but it seems to have fallen by the wayside.

Next chapter: The oo-oni rears his ugly head.


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